


The 5 Year Plan (Phan)

by Misha_with_wings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Angst, Arguments, Banter, Bottom!Dan, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan and Phil Aren’t YouTubers, Dates, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Phan, Eventual Smut, Fighting, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Funny, Gay Sex, Grindr hookups, Happy Ending, Hugs, Humor, Kissing, Love, M/M, Marriage Proposal, One Night Stands, Phan - Freeform, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Strip Tease, Wedding, cop phil, gay!dan, gay!phil, hopeless romantic dan, lawyer dan, sex addicted phil, top!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 04:23:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15856134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha_with_wings/pseuds/Misha_with_wings
Summary: After a string of heartbreaks and meaningless hookups with other people Dan and Phil make a pact.If they aren’t settled down with anyone in five years they’ll get married to each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is very heavily based on the movie “The 10 Year Plan” that movie is amazing and cute and gay so it inspired me to write this. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy <3

“Here’s to relationships.” Dan tips his champagne glass towards the slightly-older yet very hunky man in front of him.

The man opposite him forces a smile, “Um yeah... here’s to first dates.” He speaks, putting emphasis on ‘first dates’.

The man clinks his glass against Dan’s before sipping the champagne, he obviously wasn’t interested in it. 

Dan tried not to seem hurt, “I feel like this could be the start of something amazing if you so allow it.” He says with a flirty smile. 

“Uh, could you excuse me?” The man moves to stand up. 

“Of course.” Dan smiles, watching him abruptly sprint to the bathroom. 

Dan sighs, he wasn’t going to give up just yet. He makes sure his date was completely gone before pulling out his phone. 

He rolls his eyes when Phil answers the phone and all he hears is moaning for a few seconds. 

“Wow almost caught me at a bad time.” Phil’s breathing was heavy. 

“Almost?”

Phil laughs, Dan just rolls his eyes again. 

“So how’s your date going?” Phil asks.

Dan could only imagine what was happening when he hears a loud slap followed by another voice yelling “hey!” 

“Where are you?” Dan asks, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Guess.”

“Phil...”

“I got bored so I found a hookup through Grindr what else is a lonely man supposed to do?” Phil says unashamedly. 

“Sometimes I wish I was as bold as you.” Dan huffs out a sigh. 

“You could be if you’d just loosen up and drop your insistent need for romance.” Phil says, Dan hears another man’s giggle in the background and he sighs even heavier than last time, “God Dan this guy has an ass so tight you could bounce a quarter off of it- or something bigger, which I did.” 

Dan could hear Phil smirk through the phone, “You are unbelievable.”

“No no, you are unbelievable- I’m fun.” Phil laughs lightly, “So you didn’t answer my question, how’s your date?”

“It’s going great, you know... very romantic... I think he could be the one.” Dan looks over to see his date running out of the restaurant. 

“He just left didn’t he?” 

“Yeah.” Dan sighs sadly.

“Hey don’t get sad, he was probably a dick anyways.” 

“Sure.” 

“Dan.” Phil sighs, “Alright I’m coming to you.” 

“You don’t have too, it seems like you’re having fun right where you are.” Dan tries to force a laugh. 

“You’re my best friend, I’m obligated to come save you from heartbreak.” Phil says, Dan hears shuffling on the other side of the phone, “Stay where you are I’ll come have dinner with you.” 

“Thanks Phil.” Dan sighs before hanging up the call and reaching for his champagne. 

The waiter walks over to him, “Can I get you anything sir?”

Dan sets his glass down, “Got anything stronger?”

.

“Where are you going?” 

Phil hastily pulls his clothes back on, “Gotta go.”

“Seriously?” The man on the bed crosses his arms and huffs. 

Phil rolls his eyes, “Told you not to get attached sweetheart.” He winks before laughing, “My best friend needs me.” 

The man rolls his eyes, “Do you at least want to shower before you go?” He raises an eyebrow suggestively. 

Phil pulls his shirt down, “Nah, sorry but you weren’t that good- I didn’t even break a sweat.” Phil shrugs and grabs his phone and keys before exiting the room. 

“Asshole.” The man mutters as Phil leaves. 

.

“Hey I’m here to save the day.” Phil slides into the booth across from Dan. 

Dan sets his drink down and sighs sadly, “Why does nothing ever work out for me?”

“Aww, cmon don’t start doing that.” 

“Doing what?” Dan grabs his drink again, he couldn’t keep the glass on the table for very long. 

“Acting like you aren’t good enough for anyone when you know damn well it’s because you’re too good for everyone.” 

“Then why does everyone leave? Not a single date goes right-“

The waiter interrupts them, he sets two plates of food on the table and hands a beer to Phil.

“Oo, my favorite. Thanks.” Phil rakes his eyes down the waiters body, keeping his eyes on him as he walks away. 

Dan rolls his eyes, “I ordered for you.”

“You know me too well.” 

“I’d hope so.” Dan says, “Ugh, what am I going to do?”

“I don’t know but I can already think of about ten things I want to do to our waiter.” Phil cranes his neck to check him out even more intensely, he suddenly leans in to whisper to Dan, “And two of those things aren’t legal in forty-seven states.”

Dan cracks a smile, “Why are you like this.”

“You love me, stop lying to yourself.” 

“Only because I have to.” Dan mutters quietly as he sips his drink. 

“Seriously though, I mean it when I say you are an amazing person.” Phil says, “It’s not your fault everyone leaves, you just happen to pick shitty guys. You’ll find someone some day that deserves you and that appreciates you, just don’t give up before that happens, okay?”

Dan smiles slightly, “I hope you’re right.” 

“I’m always right.” Phil says over-confidently, “You just need to stop coming on too strong.”

“I don’t come on too strong!” 

Phil gives Dan a highly disbelieving look, “Dan, I’m just saying this because I love you okay?”

“Oh god what?” Dan rolls his eyes. 

“Lower the romance level a tad on first dates.” 

“But I want to treat my dates nicely-“

“Yes, I know- but you’re treating them too nicely. Just be slower, let things go naturally. Your Prince Charming or whatever will come.” 

They share a smile and clink their glasses together, “Phil can I ask a favor of you?”

“Anything.” Phil shrugs. 

“Please, please don’t let me die alone.” It was Dan’s biggest fear. 

Phil sighs, “Okay listen...” he thinks for a minute, “What if, in five years, if we aren’t with anyone- we will marry each other.” 

Dan’s eyebrows raise in shock, he looks at Phil with wide-eyes, “Really?”

“Yeah.” Phil grabs a napkin and steals a pen from the waiters pocket as he passes, “Here, write something up since you’re this amazing attorney or whatever. Make it legally binding, I’ll sign it.” 

A wide smile forces it’s way to Dan’s lips, “You sure?”

“Yeah.” Phil shrugs as he takes a sip of his beer, he watches Dan scribble something down on a napkin. 

“Here.” Dan hands the napkin over after signing it. 

Phil lets his eyes graze over what Dan had written. 

I, Daniel Howell, will marry my best friend, Philip Lester, if we are still single in five years when I turn 32. 

Phil signs right beside Dan. 

“So on my 32nd birthday if we aren’t with anyone we’ll legally be obligated to get together.” 

“Hopefully you’ll find someone by then so you aren’t stuck with my sorry ass.” Phil picks up his beer again. 

“Oh shut up.” Dan rolls his eyes. 

“You’ll find someone amazing, Dan. I believe it.”


	2. Chapter 2

4 years, 10 months, 30 days later. 

.

“I hope you like the wine, I had it imported just for you.” Dan smiles at his boyfriend as he fills the glass. 

“Hey can we talk?” He asks. 

“We can talk over dinner, wouldn’t you rather have that? I made your favorite.” 

“Eggplant Parmesan?” 

“Yep, I even called your mom for her recipe.” Dan smiles. 

“Y-you called my mother?” He looks taken aback, “I can’t believe you called-“

“I hope I did the recipe justice.” Dan says, “I’m gonna go check on the food, I’ll be right back.” He gives his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek before walking towards the kitchen. 

“Are you going to sit down at all?” 

“Wouldn’t you rather sit at the table, I’m about to put the food out.” Dan walks towards the couch with a spoon full of sauce in hand, “Here, taste.”

Dan sits on the arm of the couch and presses the spoon to his boyfriends lips, “That’s amazing... wow.” He says. 

“I know right? I’m pretty proud of myself.” 

“Dan I really need to talk to you.” 

“Come to the table, we can talk over dinner.” Dan grabs his boyfriends hands and pulls him up from the sofa.

Dan’s boyfriend gives him a sad smile, “Okay.” He sighs. 

They manage small talk all through dinner, Dan tried to ignore the off feeling about all of this. Everything was probably fine. 

“Would you like dessert? I made chocolate stuffed and coated strawberries, double the chocolate.” 

His boyfriend smiles, “I really need to tell you something.”

“You can tell me anything, as long as it isn’t that you want to see other people.” Dan laughs, he immediately stops laughing when his boyfriend gives him a serious look, “You- you want to see other people...” 

“Listen it isn’t you-“

“Oh?” Dan looks down and avoids his eyes. 

“Dan hear me out, you’re great okay? One day you’re going to make someone an amazing husband but that someone just isn’t me.” 

“Did I do something wrong, I’m sorry if I did I-“

“No, I just think we’re moving too fast.” He gives Dan a sad smile. 

Dan swallows thickly and sighs, “But we- we’ve been dating a month! I only see you on weekends for dinner and sex, I’m just trying to make you happy...”

“Listen you will make someone so happy someday-“

“But not you, I get it.” Dan nods, looking upset. 

“Please don’t take this too hard.” 

“No I’m fine. It’s not like I spent my whole night making dinner and planning to spoil you.” Dan really didn’t mean to sound bitter. 

“I appreciate all of this truly, it’s just. It’s too much.” 

Dan exhales sharply, feeling tears brim his eyes, “I think you should leave.” 

His now ex-boyfriend stands up from the table, “You know I’m sorry.” 

“Just go.” Dan says, he hears the footsteps fade away as his ex gets further. He hears the door close and buries his head in his hands, letting tears fall. “I tried.”

.

Phil knocks on the door and it’s opened almost immediately, “Hey.”

“H-hi, I’m Jared...” 

“And I’m Phil, which we established over Grindr. Introductions aren’t necessary.” Phil scoffs a laugh. 

“Oh right- um, I’ve just never done this before.” Jared stumbles with his words, “What am I supposed to say?”

“How about, ‘Hey Phil, come in, do you want a drink?’ That’s always a good one.” Phil smiles. 

“Okay, Hey phil come in, would you like a drink?” Jared steps aside to let Phil slide past him into the house. 

“I would love a drink.” Phil replies. 

No more than a half hour later they were hot and sweaty beneath sheets, both fairly satisfied. Jared more satisfied than Phil, but Phil was always hard to please. 

“Hey do you mind if I call my friend? I always call him after I hookup with a hot guy.” 

“Since you just called me a hot guy you can call whoever you want.” Jared giggles, still orgasmed out. 

Dan picks up the Skype call almost instantly, seeing Phil shirtless and sweaty- and in bed with another man. 

“Hey.” Dan sighs heavily.

“Hey Dan, boy did I just have some fun.” Phil quirks an eyebrow and smirks.

“Hello!” Jared leans over Phil’s shoulder. 

“Hi.” Dan sighs again, greeting Phil’s hookup. 

“So how did dinner with your boyfriend go?” Phil asks with a genuine smile on his face. 

“Oh it just went amazing considering he just dumped me.” Dan says and Phil’s smile falls. 

“Oh no... Dan...” Phil frowns, “Was he rude to you? Did he do anything bad to you? Do you want me to kick his ass? I’ll kick his ass just tell me if-“

“Phil it’s fine.” Dan forces a laugh, Phil knew it wasn’t a genuine laugh and that Dan was definitely not fine, “He said I was moving to fast for him.” 

“I mean you do get a little too into the romantic aspects of a relationship-“

“Please don’t give me the ‘Dan is a hopeless romantic’ speech, I can’t take that right now.” Dan’s eyes glossed over with tears. 

Phil sighs sadly, seeing Dan’s glossy eyes, “Do you want me to come over?”

“I’m just here being sad, why would you want to be with me when you have sex at your fingertips?” Dan tries to joke. 

“I think I’ve wore this one out already, plus you know I’d pick you over anything and anyone so don’t say things like that.” Phil scolds. 

“Okay fine, I have chocolate stuffed and coated strawberries.” 

“Death by chocolate?” Phil smiles. 

“The best way to die.” Dan chuckles. 

“Consider me on my way.” Phil says. 

“Chocolate covered and stuffed strawberries? Can I come?” Jared jokes. 

“You already did, twice.” Phil jokes, “You were just as stuffed as the strawberries.” 

Dan rolls his eyes, “If you’re coming over than do it, spare me your sex details.” 

“Okay I’ll be there soon.” Phil hangs up the call. 

“Hey, uh will I see you again?” Jared asks, standing up to face Phil as he pulls on his clothes. 

Phil sighs, “Listen kid, I know I’m great in bed but I’m a one time only ride.” He pats the freshly turned 23 year old on the shoulder before leaving. 

.

Dan was still sat at the table sipping wine when Phil came in. 

“Sorry I’m crashing your party.” Phil jokes, setting a brand new six pack of beer on the table.

Dan manages to smile because Phil was here now.

“Stop moping, you were too good for him anyway.” Phil says, twisting the cap off of one of the beers as he flops down in the chair beside Dan. 

“You always say that.” Dan mumbles. 

“Because it’s always true.” 

“I’m not that good-“

“And that- Daniel Howell- is where you are very wrong.” Phil sips the beer, Dan just stares at him. 

“If you think I’m so great why does nobody agree with you? I feel like you’re lying to me.” Dan says sadly, keeping his wine glass in his hand. 

“Don’t accuse me of being a liar, I’ll arrest you for slander.” Phil jokes. 

“Just because you’re a cop doesn’t mean you can-“

“Shh, yes it does.” Phil says making Dan chuckle, “See you’re okay.”

“I guess it isn’t the end of the world, I get dumped all the time.”

“Because all the guys you pick are assholes, you need to find a good one for once.” Phil says. 

“I think the only good guy in existence is you.”

“I’m definitely not a good guy, if you would hear what I tell half of my Grindr hookups when they ask for seconds then oh boy...” Phil inhales sharply before bringing his beer to his lips.

“But you’re good to me.”

“Because I actually care about you, and I’m not fucking you.” Phil gestures to Dan with his beer, “You’re the only person I’m good to so you’re the unpopular opinion here buddy.” 

“Fuck everyone else’s opinions.” Dan says, “You’re a good person.”

Phil laughs lightly, “Do I really have you that whipped?”

Dan shrugs, “Or maybe you just think too badly of yourself.”

“Anyway, where’s the chocolate strawberries I was promised. If this is a date you’re suddenly shit at dates.” Phil jokes.

“I’m amazing at dates thank you very much.” Dan playfully glares at Phil before going to the kitchen and getting the strawberries. 

“Oo, nice presentation.” Phil looks at how the berries were spread out evenly on the plate, chocolate was drizzled over the whole thing. 

“You say I’m bad at dates.” Dan picks up a strawberry, “Open wide.” He holds it to Phil’s lips and wiggles his eyebrows at him, trying not to laugh. 

“That’s weird, usually I’m the one telling people to open wide before I ram my cock down their-“ Phil is cut off abruptly by Dan shoving the strawberry in his mouth. 

“How are we even best friends.” Dan rolls his eyes. 

Phil laughs and speaks with a mouthful of chocolate and strawberry, “You love me.”

“You’re a pig.” Dan jokes. 

Phil chuckles, “Yeah Dan, I love you too.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Men suck.” 

Dan spins around in his desk chair to see his coworker and friend walk through the door of his office. 

“I agree wholeheartedly.” Dan sighs. 

Cristine pushes papers out of the way so she can sit on the corner of Dan’s desk, “I went on a date with a guy last night and it was so obvious he just wanted sex. Why are all men animals? Why are men so complicated?”

“Oh that’s such a simple answer, do you have a clear schedule for the next week?” Dan jokes. 

“I feel like giving up.”

“Me too, at this point I’ve accepted I’m going to die alone.” Dan sighs. 

“Did your boyfriend really dump you over a nice dinner last night?” 

“Yeah.” Dan sighs, “Love is hopeless.” 

“I don’t know about hopeless, not for you anyway.” Cristine gives Dan a little eyebrow wiggle. 

“Don’t even go there-“

“One word: Phil.” Cristine says, “Plus it’s your thirty-second birthday in a month, aren’t you two obligated to marry each other?”

“Wait when did I tell you about that?” Dan gives her a wide-eyed look. 

“You tell me almost everything.” 

“Right.” Dan sighs. 

“Cmon Dan, your best friend is a sexy cop- how have you not let him have a go at you?” 

“You don’t fuck your best friend Cristine thats like a major no-no.” 

“Oh but you can make pacts to marry them?” 

“Ugh.” Dan face-plants himself into his desk. 

“I’m just saying.” She shrugs. 

Dan sits back up, “Phil probably doesn’t even remember the pact, that stupid napkin is probably long gone.” 

“Did he have it?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow Dan, every good attorney knows you should keep copies.” Cristine jokes. 

“Oh my god shut up.” Dan tries not to laugh, “I’m stressed and I actually hate you.”

“You have to admit Phil is cute though, I know you think he is.” 

Dan rolls his eyes and tries not to blush, he fails, “He’s dangerous.” 

“You’re face is bright red Dan.” 

“He isn’t good relationship material Cris.” Dan sighs, “I wish he was, it would be so easy.” 

“Maybe he’d change for you.” Cristine shrugs and tilts her head a bit.

“Phil isn’t ever changing his ways for anyone. He fucks them and leaves them and has no desire for even a single ounce of romance. He’s never done relationships just one night stands.” Dan rolls his eyes and reaches for his coffee mug. 

Cristine sighs, “Want some vodka for that?” She jokes as Dan sips his coffee. 

“God, please.” 

.

“I really need to find Dan a boyfriend.” Phil sighs.

“Is your time limit almost up?” Ben asks in amusement, both of them sitting in the front of their cop cruiser. 

“I have a month.” Phil groans, “He’s just so-“ Phil cuts himself off. 

“He’s just so what?” 

“Listen, I love the guy but he’s just too much of a try hard. He’s such a sappy romantic it’s sickening and he always does too much for his dates.”

“And that’s a bad thing? If he was straight he’d have girls lining up at his doorstep.”

“He isn’t straight Ben, he’s quite possibly gayer than me and that’s very hard to beat.” Phil huffs, “But men don’t like this sappy romantic shit, especially the ones he’s going after.”

“Who is he going after?” 

“Guys that just want to fuck him and leave him.” 

“Guys like you?” Ben raises an eyebrow in Phil’s direction. 

“Shut up.” Phil rolls his eyes, “Dan deserves better than that though, I can tell it really hurts him when he finally lets a guy in his pants only for him to up and leave right after. He tries to act like he’s fine but he isn’t, I know him.” 

“If you’re so concerned about this why don’t you just give up and marry him like you said you would?” Ben asks like the suggestion was simple, to Phil it wasn’t. 

“Because I don’t want that! I can’t stand that romantic shit and I wouldn’t be good for him. It’s best if I find someone good for him rather than giving him myself.” 

“You could be good if you tried.” Ben says. 

“I know but- ugh.” Phil groans and lets out a heavy exhale of breath he didn’t know he was holding, “I’m too much of a- of a whore.”

“Wow now we’re admitting our problems, should I get you a smiley face sticker?” Ben asks with a smirk. 

“Fuck off Ben.” Phil pushes his shoulder, “I’m just saying, I don’t want to hurt him- I’m the type of guy I don’t want him to have and if I go with this pact and something goes wrong between us...” Phil goes quiet. 

“You don’t want to lose him.” Ben shrugs simply. 

Phil nods slightly, looking sad and stressed, “Exactly, he’s my best friend and he’s the only one that’s been here for me through everything. I need him.” 

“That’s understandable.” 

“I have to find someone for him. I just don’t know where to look for the good guys.” 

“I’d say start looking in the places you don’t go.” Ben says, receiving another shove. 

“It’s almost time for us to clock out, just drive back to the station.” Phil says, sounding sad. 

Ben starts the car, “Are you seriously alright though? You seem so unlike yourself today.”

“I’m just stressed, okay?” Phil says, sounding snappy. 

“Okay, sorry I asked.” Ben sighs. 

They get to the station and go to the back to change out of their uniforms, Phil subtly checks out other male cop’s asses as they change. 

“Isn’t there a rule to not look below waists in a locker room?” Ben asks, catching Phil checking out the guy next to him.

“Ben.” Phil places his hand on Ben’s shoulder, “I’m gay.”

“I know this.” Ben says back, sounding just as serious. 

“I have an invisible thing called a gay card, that means I get a free pass and can look at all the male asses I want.” Phil peeks over Ben to look at a guys ass again, “And damn is that a nice one.” 

Ben rolls his eyes, “Whatever, anyway do you have plans tonight? Wanna catch a movie?”

“Nah, I got gay shit to do.” 

“Another Grindr hookup? Really Phil?” Ben asks, somehow he wasn’t that surprised. 

“No me and Dan are going to go hold hands and frolic through a field of rainbows while eating some motherfucking skittles.” Phil says, “Yes it’s another Grindr hookup for fucks sake do you even know me Benjamin?” 

Ben sighs and looks at his right hand, “Looks like it’s just you and me again tonight buddy.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re straight.” Phil shrugs. 

“Sorry I don’t like people with the same gear as me.” Ben says with a shrug. 

“I love the same gear, just with better asses.” Phil winks at Ben making him roll his eyes again. 

“I figured you’d be trying to find Dan a boyfriend.”

“I’ve stressed myself out about that too much today, I need a good stress release before I get into that.” 

“Stress release.” Ben scoffs. 

“Orgasms man.” Phil sighs, “Nothing like them.” 

“You’re too much.” 

“That’s what my hookups say when I push in for the first time too, don’t worry.” Phil smirks. 

Ben slams his head against the locker, laughing in frustration, “I literally can’t say anything anymore.” 

Phil chuckles, “I’m hilarious.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Listen it’s time for you to get your ass up.” Phil barges into Dan’s apartment, “Stop moping around.”

“Phil I’m not in the mood for whatever you’re about to do to me.” Dan groans, sinking further into the couch cushions. 

“Okay I’ll hold back on the kinks-“

“Phil!”

“God okay, sorry. Someone’s touchy today, where did your sense of humor go?” Phil asks, flopping on the couch next to Dan. 

“It’s up your ass and to the left.” Dan rolls his eyes with a sly smile on his face. 

“Wow good one.” Phil rolls his eyes. 

Dan sighs, grabbing the beer off of the coffee table. Before he can take a sip Phil snatches it and takes a long gulp, “That’s mine!”

“I was thirsty.” Phil shrugs. 

Dan takes it back, huffing when he feels that it’s almost empty, “Anyway, what do you want?”

“I want to get you a boyfriend.”

“Oh god.” Dan takes a drink of his beer. 

“Don’t ‘oh god’ me, I want to help you be happy.” Phil says, “I know some guys- good guys. Let me set you up on a few dates and you can see if anything clicks.” 

“Phil I don’t really-“ 

“Dan.” Phil gives Dan a look, a soft expression on his face, “Trust me?”

“I always trust you, even if I end up screwed.” 

.

“Hello!” Dan greets his date, he was nervous but he trusted Phil. 

“Hi!” The man smiles at him.

He has a really nice smile, Dan thinks.

“So I ordered for you, I read on your Facebook profile that you like a nice white mocha with extra foam and extra sugar- and I ordered muffins!” Dan says happily. 

The guy gives Dan a weird look, “You were on my Facebook?” 

“Yeah, I mean isn’t it good to look at someone’s Facebook before going on a date with them?” Dan rolls his eyes but keeps the smile on his face. 

“Um-“

“It’s so you can know a little about the person, so you can tell if you’re compatible!” Dan chirps happily, seeing nothing wrong with anything he was saying. 

“Can you excuse me I just have to go to the bathroom.” The guy gives Dan an uncomfortable smile before practically running away. 

Dan groans knowing the man wasn’t coming back, “But I ordered muffins.” He frowns. 

Dan pulls his phone out of his pocket and calls Phil.

“How is it going?” Phil asks the second he answers. 

“Bad.” Dan sighs, “Because it isn’t going at all.” 

“You couldn’t have scared him away that quickly.” 

“Oh but I did.” Dan sighs, he was so fed up with everything, “I try to be a nice guy but nobody cares. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.” 

“Nope, don’t you dare say that.” Phil shuts Dan’s thoughts down almost immediately, “You are fucking wonderful Dan Howell do you hear me?”

“I hear you.” Dan says softly, “But believing you is a whole other thing.” 

“Would I lie to you?” Phil asks seriously. 

“I guess not.” 

“No, I wouldn’t. Believe me, it isn’t you, there is nothing wrong with you. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” 

“Are you sure?” Dan asks, “Because this is a whole new record for me, the guy left literally a minute after he sat down.” 

“What did you say?” Phil asks curiously. 

“I just said I looked on his Facebook to find his favorite latté.” Dan hears Phil sigh heavily through the phone. 

“Jesus, Dan.”

“It was me wasn’t it, I messed this up?” Dan felt like a sad mess of a failure. 

“No, no- just... next time don’t tell them you looked on their Facebook.” 

“Is that not a good thing to-“

“That’s very stalker-ish Dan.” Phil tells him, “Guys don’t like that.” 

“Oh. I didn’t know, I just thought it would be nice to already know something about them so I could surprise him.” 

“Don’t get sad okay? I have a few other guys I can set you up with.” Phil says. 

“Okay- wait do I hear something in the background?” Dan asks. 

“Uhhh... no?” Phil replies. 

“Who are you hooking up with now?” Dan huffs. 

“Let’s just say Italians are spicy.” 

“Phil!” Dan yells, “Every time I’m on a date you just go fuck somebody.” 

“Okay maybe I have a problem-“

“You’re a sex addict Phil.” 

“Okay don’t attack me, I feel attacked. I’m not a-“ Phil goes silent. 

“Phil?”

“Oh fuck.” Phil says softly in a tone of realization, “Fucking hell... I am a sex addict.” 

“Congratulations, you’re officially the last one to know.” Dan rolls his eyes. 

“Help me.” 

“What do you want me to do? Castrate you?” Dan asks with a chuckle. 

“Ow- no no no- okay no.” Phil shuts that down quick. 

“I could superglue you into an anti-masturbation cross.” Dan shrugs, sipping his caramel macchiato. 

“That’s cruel Dan.” Phil says, “I have needs!”

“No, you need too much.” 

“I don’t-“

“You hook up with someone on Grindr at least once every other day, and god only knows how often you get yourself off when I’m not around.” 

“I don’t have a problem!” Phil all but screams at Dan before hanging up. 

Dan sets his phone down just as the waiter sets a basket of muffins on the table.

Dan sighs, “It’s just me and you muffins.”

.

“Ugh, hello sunshine.” Dan greets Phil later that night when he gets to his apartment. 

“Leave the rain cloud that’s above your head at the door, we don’t need sadness.” 

“Yeah let me just slap the happy into myself, because that’s scientifically proven to work.” Dan mopes into Phil’s apartment and Phil closes the door behind him. 

“I’m sorry he didn’t work out.” 

“It’s fine, I’m not even upset about him I’m just upset that I’m a failure when it comes to dates.” Dan flops down onto Phil’s couch, seeing a towel draped over it right by his head, “I swear to god if that’s a cum rag I’m going to kill you.” 

“Nah, I was just cleaning.” Phil shrugs. 

Dan looks around at the messy apartment in front of him, “Cleaning what?”

Phil smirks and makes suggestive motions with his hand, “Cleaning the pipes.” 

“Phil damn it!” Dan launches the sticky towel across the room as Phil laughs loudly. 

“I have no shame baby!” 

“I literally hate you so much!” Dan couldn’t help but laugh along, “Didn’t you literally just hook up like an hour ago?” 

“The second cum is always better and he wasn’t willing to let me back in after I wrecked his ass the first time so I just did what I had to do.” 

Dan rolls his eyes, “Do I need to stage an intervention for you?” 

“No!”

“Phil?” Dan says in a tone of voice that makes Phil shrink back a bit. 

“It’s not hurting anything if I get off like five times a day.” Phil shrugs before adding in a soft whisper, “At least five...”

“Phil you are thirty-six years old not fifteen.” Dan says, “You’re gonna hurt yourself. I’m just saying this because I care about you.”

“Honestly if it started to hurt I’d probably do it more...” Phil says honestly, “Okay- maybe I should cut off my own hands.” 

“Great now you have a thing for pain.” Dan facepalms, “You know if you don’t do it as often, when you actually do it it feels a lot better.” 

“But I- I can’t-“

“Wow.” Dan snorts out a laugh, “Why is that such a problem for you?”

“Because it feels really good and like I have constant access to my own dick and I have hands- why would I not do it?” Phil shrugs like his response was simple. 

“I really can’t with you.” Dan laughs and shakes his head in disbelief.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hello, you must be Daniel!” The man reaches out to shake Dan’s hand. 

“Just call me Dan.” Dan smiles and shakes his hand, sitting across from him at the table. 

“I haven’t ordered yet, I figured I’d wait for you.” This guy seemed very sweet already, maybe Phil did have a good one up his sleeve. 

“Aw, that’s sweet of you.” Dan gives him a genuine smile. 

Things were going great, they were almost finished with dinner and they were each on their second glass of wine. 

“So.” Dan clears his throat, “I think I’d really like to see you again.” 

The guy gives Dan a confused look, “What?”

Dan looks back at him, equally confused for a different reason, “Are you not having a nice time- I thought?-“

“Oh no, Dan I’m-“ The man sighs, “Listen, you’re nice but you’re too nice.”

Dan looks down with a sad expression on his face, “That’s a bad thing?”

“No, for someone else it isn’t but-“ The guy lets out a heavy sigh. 

“But what?” Dan looks up at him again, “I always fuck something up, what did I do?” Dan couldn’t control the words as they came out of his mouth, his eyes stung with unshed tears. 

“Woah buddy listen-“ The man sighs again, “So Phil set me up on this ‘date’ but I thought this was just gonna be like a nice dinner then we’d go back to my place and... you know.” He shrugs. 

Dan looks at him in disbelief, “You’re not even into me! Why have you been leading me on this whole time if you just wanted to fuck?!” Dan was angry. 

“I mean you’re extremely cute, I bet you’re like a feisty little fireball in bed-“ The guy smirks and looks all over Dan’s body. 

“You are-“ Dan shakes his head, “You know what I’m leaving.” 

“So you don’t want me? I’d do you so good baby, you won’t even remember being mad at me.” 

Dan scoffs and rolls his eyes, “One, don’t call me baby- I am not your baby. Two, go fuck yourself.” Dan stomps off.

“How did it go?” Phil asks the dreaded question when he answers the phone. 

“Dare I say this- it was worse than the last one.” Dan sighs sadly, “I’ll tell you about it later, come to my apartment when you get off work.” 

“I’ll be there.” Phil says, “I’m sorry it didn’t work.” 

“I’m running on empty Phil, I can’t keep doing this. Nobody appreciates me.” 

“I appreciate you.” Phil says, “Keep your head up, there is someone out there for you. I’m trying my best to help you find him.” 

“I just want a chill night honestly, when you come over bring a six pack and some takeout.” 

“Consider it done.” Phil says, “See you later tonight.” 

.

“So what’s up with romance boy?” Ben asks after Phil hangs up the phone. 

“Another bad date.” Phil sighs. 

“Oh no.” Ben says with an eye roll, “When will you stop putting that boy through hell and just marry him yourself- it’s so obvious you care about him.” 

“I’ve told you Ben, I’m not good enough for him. I’m a whore, a scum-bag. I’m not romance material and I know it, even he knows it.” Phil mumbles, he sounded a little sad. 

“It’s never too late to change.” 

“Whatever.” Phil rolls his eyes. 

“Phil be honest with me about something.” Ben says. 

“What?”

“How do you really feel about Dan?” Ben asks. 

Phil huffs angrily, “Oh fuck off Ben.” He gets out of the cop cruiser and slams the door, stomping back into the station. 

He grabs his keys from his locker and runs to his car, not even bothering to change from his uniform so he can avoid further confrontation from Ben. 

He gets to Dan’s with a bag of Chinese takeout in one hand and a six pack in the other.

“Dan?” Phil enters the apartment, juggling the stuff in his arms as he closes the door. 

“Kitchen!” Phil hears Dan yell through the apartment. 

Phil walks to the kitchen, setting the takeout and beer on the table. 

“So I have a lot to tell you about the douche you set me up with he’s- oh-“ Dan turns around, seeing Phil. He swallows thickly. 

Phil quirks an eyebrow and looks down at himself before meeting Dan’s eyes again. Dan was trying his best not to drag his gaze down Phil’s body. 

“What?” Phil asks with a half-smirk. 

“Uh, nothing. It’s just, I never really see you in uniform.” Dan gulps. 

Phil lets out a chuckle, “You got a thing for a man in uniform Dan?” His smirk widens. 

“Well, you look less like a real cop and more like a male stripper but...” Dan lets out a little laugh, trying to avoid his inappropriate thoughts. 

“Male stripper huh?” Phil thinks for a minute, “Did someone order a strip tease?” Phil smirks and slowly slides off his jacket.

Dan’s eyes widen almost comically as Phil drops his jacket to the floor and steps closer, “Phi-“ the rest of Phil’s name got caught in his throat. His mind was spinning.

“So Dan have you been a bad boy?” Phil asks as he closes the gap between their bodies, he grips the front of Dan’s shirt and manhandles him back against the counter.

Dan was frozen in place, he couldn’t even blink. 

Phil leans in and Dan could feel Phil’s hot breath against his neck. Phil slowly sunk to his knees, running his hands down Dan’s sides and gripping his hips. 

Dan had never felt more terrified or more turned on in his life. 

Phil runs his hands back up Dan’s chest before standing up, Dan’s hands were gripping his shoulders. 

Phil was about to laugh, to him this was just a funny joke. Then he stood back up and his face was so close to Dan’s and how has he never noticed the gold specks in Dan’s dark brown eyes before?

They stayed like that, too close for too long. Their faces mere inches apart. 

“We should uh-“ Dan breaks the silence. 

“Yeah, um...” Phil swallows the lump in his throat, he felt weird because what the fuck just happened. 

“So you got takeout.” 

“Yeah.” Phil laughs breathily, “It was your request after all.” 

About two hours and a six pack later neither of them cared about what had happened -or almost happened- in the kitchen. 

“So you never did tell me what happened with your date?”

“He decided to be really sweet and nice to lead me on then dropped the bomb that he just wanted to fuck me and leave me.” Dan downs his very last sip of beer after speaking. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Phil sighs angrily.

“Then he pressed me even further and said ‘I’ll do you so good you’ll forget about being mad at me’ and he called me baby and he was just such a creep.” Dan says, “He made me kind of uncomfortable honestly.” 

Phil feels rage poke at his nerves, “If I ever see him again-“

“Phil.” 

“I’ll fucking choke-slam him I swear to god.” Phil speaks bitterly. 

“It’s fine, it’s over with now. Let it be.” 

Phil shakes his head, “I’m sorry I set you up with him I just- god I didn’t know he was such a-“

“Phil it’s fine, I’m not mad at you-“

“Yeah but I am fucking pissed at him, how dare he talk to you that way?” 

“You’re way too protective of me.” Dan laughs lightly. 

“Because I care about you more than I care about anything and if anyone hurts you I swear to god-“

“Okay you big bad cop, I get it. Just calm down before you start foaming at the mouth.” 

Phil rolls his eyes, “Very funny.” 

Dan leans his head on Phil’s shoulder, “Thanks for trying so hard to help me find someone.” 

Phil sighs, “I’m beginning to think you’re just too good for everyone.” 

“Maybe I just need to stop being so... me?”

“Don’t ever stop being you.” Phil wraps his arm around Dan’s shoulders, “Your man will come.”

.

“Did your date fail again?” Cristine asks with a frown as she stands in the doorway of Dan’s office. 

“Sadly.” Dan says, “But damn did something weird happen.” 

“With your date?”

“With Phil.” Dan gulps, he thinks back to the so-called ‘make stripper’ incident from the night before. 

“Oh?” She quirks an eyebrow, “Details please, don’t leave me hanging.” 

“I- just-“ Dan lets out a deep breath, “My best friend is a sexy cop.” He runs a shaky hand through his curly fringe. 

“Hmm, what happened?” She asks. 

“Let’s just say he pretended to go all male stripper on me and fuck-“ Dan breathes, just thinking about it made his insides twist with a feeling he really didn’t want to have at work. 

“You good?” Cristine laughs. 

“Oof.” Dan face-plants his desk, that was really becoming a habit. 

“Don’t give yourself a concussion.”

“I’ll do what I want.” Dan gripes. 

“Let Phil give you a concussion by slamming your head into the headboard every time he-“

“Cristine!” Dan squeaks, shooting up straight in his desk chair. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” 

Cristine laughs even harder, “Have fun working and totally not thinking of Phil.” 

“Oh, go away.” Dan rolls his eyes. 

“Keep your hands above the desk.” Cristine says before leaving. 

“Ugh.”


	6. Chapter 6

Dan really didn’t want to do this again, yet here he was sat at a fancy restaurant waiting for another one of Phil’s set-ups to walk in. 

“Hello, I’m Nathan!” The guy says cheerfully, sitting across from Dan. 

“I’m Dan. Hey.” Dan sounded unamused and just done with this whole situation. 

“Um... should we order drinks?” 

“Sure, whatever you want.” Dan shrugs.

“Okay, I’ll order for you. What do you like?” 

“Anything dark and strong.” Dan replies. 

Once they had their drinks Dan tried to loosen up a little bit, his head just wasn’t in it. 

“-So then my neighbors dog came over and pissed on my flowers!” The guy finally finished his story. 

Dan forces a laugh, “Yeah, dogs right?”

“They’re horrible!” The guy makes a face of disgust, “They shed everywhere and drool- they are gross.”

“Dogs really aren’t that bad.” Dan shrugs. 

“Well to each their own...” The guy says, sounding almost offended that Dan didn’t share his same opinion. 

“Sure, whatever.” 

The guy picks up his phone, “Oh no.” He mumbles, obviously fake acting. 

Dan prepared for the inevitable dumping, “What?”

“My uh- my sister just sprained her ankle, I have to go so I can take her to the hospital I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t make up an excuse. If you want to leave just fucking go, I know I’m not good enough for you. Have a nice day, goodbye.” Dan downs the last of his drink before sliding out of the booth, he throws some money on the table before leaving. 

“That’s it, I’m done.” Dan says as he enters Phil’s apartment. 

“Oh god.” Phil mutters under his breath.

“I was apparently so boring that he just wanted to leave so...” Dan shrugs and huffs in frustration, “I don’t care what you say this time I’m literally not good enough for anyone.”

“How many times have we been over this, I will literally keep telling you this because you need to hear it- you are fucking wonderful and amazing, you are better than any of these scumbags, you are a good guy.” Phil tries to drill this information into Dan’s skull. 

“I just feel so frustrated... Phil I don’t want to go on any more dates.” Dan sighs, “I’m not into it anymore.” 

“One more.” 

“What?” Dan asks. 

“Let me set you up on one more date, that’s it. One more.” Phil says. 

“Phil...”

“Just one.” 

“Fine, on one condition- non negotiable.” Dan responds. 

“What’s your condition?”

“You have to go too.” Dan says. 

Phil huffs, “Really?”

“Yeah, and I’ll find someone for you. We’ll set each other up.” Dan shrugs. 

“Dan I don’t want someone. I’m a forever bachelor- I don’t-“

“Please.” Dan pouts. 

“Fuck.” Phil exhales heavily, “Okay fine, I’ll go on a fucking date.” 

“Yay!” Dan laughs, giving Phil a hug.

“No, get off of me.” 

“Nope.” 

Phil tries to hold back his smile, “I’m supposed to be irritated with you, stop it.” 

“Nah.” Dan giggles into Phil’s shoulder. 

.

“So Dan, what do you do for a living?” Dan’s date asks, his name was Ethan. He didn’t seem too bad, just very plain and boring. 

“I’m an attorney.” Dan replies, sipping on his glass of white whine, “How about you?” 

“I make homemade jewelry and sell it.” The guy says, he was completely serious. 

“Does that pay the rent? If so then wow, that’s great.” Dan says. 

“Oh I still live with my parents.” Ethan shrugs. 

Dan chokes on his wine before he and Phil share a glance, they were sitting side by side across from their dates. Phil was obviously trying not to laugh so Dan elbows him in the ribs beneath the table. 

“And uh... how old are you?” Dan asks. 

“Almost thirty-five.” Ethan smiles. 

“Wow. Okay.” 

“So.” Phil speaks up, “Uh Brian, what do you do?”

“My name is Dylan.” He snaps at Phil. 

Dan covers his mouth with his hand as he laughs to himself, it was Phil’s turn to elbow him. 

“Right...” Phil laughs nervously, “Sorry about that, I don’t really date much.” He shares another glance with Dan. 

“Anyway, I work at a daycare. I just love kids, there so sweet and innocent minded. I can’t wait to have kids of my own someday.” Dylan says. 

“Oh.” Phil has an expression on his face like this situation was actually physically painful for him, “Yikes.” 

Dan chokes on a laugh again, “Wow, that’s amazing because Phil just loves kids.” Dan was almost laughing so much he couldn’t speak, “Don’t you Phil?”

Phil glares at Dan, almost like he was trying to tell him he was going to drop kick him through a single look, “To be honest.” Phil sighs, looking at Dylan, “I fucking hate kids.” Phil shrugs. 

“Oh.” Dylan has a hurt expression almost like Phil physically kicked him in the heart. 

“I’m not a liar.” Phil crosses his arms and leans back in his chair, “Also I’m a cop if you were wondering.” 

“That’s uh... comforting.” Dylan sips his drink uncomfortably. 

Dan and Phil don’t know how it started but their dates ended up talking to each other. They were flirting so much even Dan was sick to his stomach.

Dan looks at Phil and they were both trying so hard to not bust out laughing. 

“Do you think they’d notice if we left?” Phil asks. 

“I’ve always wanted to be the one that leaves, I’m sick of people leaving me.” Dan shrugs. 

Phil nods at Dan, he stands up, “If you’ll excuse me gentlemen I have to go take a major piss.” 

Dan face-palms, letting laughter take him over. He couldn’t believe Phil right now. “Yeah whatever, i’m leaving too.” 

The other two simply shrug before turning back to each other. Dan and phil make it outside before turning to each other, “What the fuck?” They ask in unison before breaking out in laughter again. 

They laugh with each other all the way back to Phil’s apartment.

“Ah.” Dan sighs as he sinks into Phil’s couch, “So I’m calling it quits, throwing in the towel, all that super lovely shit.” 

Phil gives him a sad smile, “Sorry nothing worked out.”

“I’m just going to be single forever.” Dan shrugs. 

“Well.” Phil begins, “If you’re gonna be single you could at least do it right.” 

“What do you mean?” Dan asks, a confused expression was etched onto his face. 

“Take it from me, a well-known bachelor, being single is an art.” Phil says. 

“I don’t understand-“ 

“Give me your phone.” Phil takes the iPhone from Dan’s hands, “Okay, take your shirt off.” 

“What?!” Dan pretty much squeaks.

“Take your shirt off.” Phil shrugs, bringing up the camera on Dan’s phone. 

“No!” Dan exclaims, “I know what you’re doing and I don’t want that-“

“Dan this is only step one, don’t wuss out on me now.” Phil says. 

“Okay, you know what fine- but the shirt stays on. That’s non-negotiable.” Dan crosses his arms. 

Phil sighs, “Okay, fine.” He gets Dan perfectly in frame, “Say, ‘I’m a dirty little bad boy ready for some big daddy to destroy me grr’.” 

Dan rolls his eyes, “Cheese.”

“Okay fine, cheese works too.” 

Dan smiles adorably and Phil takes the picture, “Is that good?”

“Aww, you’re so adorable! Yep, you’re gonna get plowed by Grindr hookups.” Phil laughs. 

“Oh god, why am I letting you do this...” 

“You look so cute!” Phil teases, reaching up to poke Dan’s dimple, “You’re precious really.” 

“Fuck off.” Dan swats Phil’s hand away from his face. 

“Should I put that you’re a bottom in your ‘about me’ section? That’ll get you laid even quicker than your adorable picture.” 

“How do you know if I’m a-“ Dan is cut off by Phil’s sharp and all-knowing gaze, “Okay yeah I’m a bottom.” Dan rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t be ashamed, bottoms are a blessing to the gay world. Especially if they look like you, twink body and everything.” Phil says. 

“Twink body- I don’t have a twink body!” Dan exclaims. 

“Dan look at yourself babe.” 

“Don’t call me babe you jerk.” 

“Oo, call me jerk again. Philly likey.” Phil wiggles his eyebrows. 

Dan laughs as he rolls his eyes again, he was begging to think that if he rolls his eyes again they might just fall out, “You’re so lucky you’re my best friend, I swear nobody else on this earth would put up with you.”


	7. Chapter 7

“So Dan like I told you yesterday, being single is an art.” 

“Is it?” Dan huffs. 

“If you’re going to be single, you need the proper tools for the job.” Phil smirks as he drags Dan into the store. 

“Phil I can’t believe you brought me here.” Dan complains, trying to keep his eyes trained on the floor. 

“Dan look around, this stuff is fun.” Phil drags Dan down the aisles. 

“We’re in a fucking adult mart Phil it’s a sex shop! I feel like I’m being judged!” Dan whisper-yells to Phil. 

“Dan nobody here is judging you, the workers have seen it all and they just want your money. They don’t care what you do with yourself or other people, they’ll forget you exist like an hour after you leave.” 

“Like all of my dates.” Dan rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t think about that anymore, you’re single and ready to play.” Phil grabs a box off of one of the shelves, “Here’s your new best friend.” He winks. 

“Phil!” 

“Yep, that’s your buddy now. All ten inches of him.” Phil says like it’s nothing.

“How are you so comfortable with this?” Dan asks, “I’m mortified.” 

“Dan you’re an adult, this is normal. Also be blessed because that dildo is exactly as big as my cock, now you can think of me.” Phil winks at Dan. 

Dan shrieks as he shoves the box back onto a shelf, Phil was laughing too hard and Dan was just shaking his head. “I hate you so much Phil.” 

“Oh cmon now.” 

Dan peers at the dildo again, “Is it really that big?” He was just curious. 

“I mean do you want me to prove it?” Phil reaches for the zipper on his jeans. 

“Nope-“ Dan yelps, “I’ll just take your word for it.” He looks at the large toy again, “Wow...” 

“Okay so we have to agree your cum rags and four year old dried up bottle of lube isn’t going to be enough anymore.” Phil says. 

Dan pouts, “I get along with my hand just fine!” 

“It will get boring very quickly.” Phil says, “Trust me.” 

“Fine, sex toy educate me up.” Dan says, “That’s a sentence...” 

“Okay, so lube is a necessity- you’re gay, you know this.” Phil grabs a bottle, “This is good shit.” 

“Warm tingling?” Dan reads the label.

“Oh yeah.” Phil smirks, “It’s so nice.”

Dan doesn’t object to that, “What now?” 

“Do you like it big or bigger?” Phil asks and Dan somehow manages to blush even harder. 

“Um... maybe not ten inches but-“

“Hmm, here.” Phil hands Dan a dildo like it was a completely normal thing to hand to your best friend, “Eight inches, nice and thick. You’ll have fun with that.” 

Dan looks at the silicone toy with mixed thoughts in his head, “What’s next?”

Phil smirks, “Now you’re into it. Lets get you some fun shit.” 

“Okay.” Dan replies, following Phil’s lead. 

“Now these are fun as hell but warning it might make you as addicted to orgasms as I am. I can easily sit with one of these all damn day and just go at it.” Phil hands Dan nothing other than a fleshlight.

“You’re giving me vivid images of you that I don’t really want to have.” Dan says, accepting the box from Phil without a single question. 

“You’re the one imagining it I’m just trying to be a good best friend here.” Phil shrugs, “One last thing.” 

“Oh god, what is it?” 

“Since you’re a good little bottom boy, I’m almost over one-hundred percent sure you’ll love this.” Phil hands Dan a high-speed vibrator with a remote control and Dan is immediately intrigued.

“Hmm.” Dan evaluates it and makes a noise of approval, “Phil you’ve won me over.” 

“Welcome to the dark side.” 

.

Dan sighs as he flops down on his bed, it had been a long work day and he really wanted to just sleep- or maybe he could- “No.” Dan tells himself. 

“No, bad Dan.” Dan scolds himself for even thinking of opening that dreaded nightstand drawer. However tempting it was, he found it odd to just casually pull out a sex toy his best friend had bought him. 

Phil insisted it was only weird if Dan made it weird but Dan was just trying to find excuses to not use any of that stuff. 

But damn was that vibrator tempting, “No!” Dan tells himself again. 

“Oh, fuck it.” Dan opens the drawer only to be met with a lubey mess, he exhales heavily, “Of course this is my luck.” 

He was in the middle of strategically balancing the toys on his headboard as he wiped the spilled lube out of his drawer when Phil Skype called him. 

Dan answers the call and flops his body back against the headboard. 

“Hi.”

“Oh woah, hello.” Phil laughs lightly, staring at Dan’s shirtless torso. 

“What do you want?”

“Why? You busy playing with that twink body of yours?” Phil teases.

“Shut up, I wasn’t doing anything. I was just going to sleep.” Dan moves his phone a tad to the right and Phil almost chokes on his own spit. 

“Yeah, sleeping... sure.” Phil laughs. 

Dan then remembers the sex toys sprawled out behind him, “God damn it.” 

“I mean if you’re busy I can get off this call so you can get yourself off it’s no big deal.” Phil can’t stop laughing and Dan doesn’t think he could blush any harder. 

“Yeah yeah I’m so embarrassed whatever.” Dan rolls his eyes, “I was actually just cleaning up the excess amounts of spilled lube.” 

“From the drawer?”

“Where else?” Dan asks, sounding almost defensive. 

“Why would you have gotten in that drawer in the first place if you weren’t planning on-“

“Shut up Phil.” 

“Okay, okay.” Phil lets his laughter simmer down to a giggle, “You know I’m not judging.” 

“You’re an ass whether you’re judging or not.”

“I guess you are what you eat. So me being an ass is appropriate.” Phil shrugs. 

“I’m literally going to hang up on you.” 

“Also hey, nice update to your Grindr bio.” Phil laughs. 

Dan remembers what he put it as, ‘blowjobs are my passion’. Dan sighs, “Well, I’m just being truthful. I’m good with my mouth, I can deepthroat, and I know my way around a dick.” 

“Twink.” 

“Asshole.” 

“Aww look at us with our cute pet names.” Phil jokes. 

“Remind me why I chose you to be my best friend again?” 

“Because you love me and I’m hot as hell.” Phil says like it’s the most obvious answer making Dan chuckle. 

“Okay well I’m going to lie now and tell you I’m going to go masturbate just so you’ll let me hang up when in reality I’m just going to go sleep and hide from the world.”

“Boo you whore.” Phil says making Dan laugh a little louder. 

“Goodnight Phil.” 

“Ugh goodnight buzzkill.”


	8. Chapter 8

“So has that Grindr think worked out or are you gonna end up marrying Phil in two weeks when you turn thirty-two?” Cristine asks, filing her perfectly polished nails as she leans on Dan’s desk. 

“I don’t think marrying Phil is gonna happen, sorry to burst your bubble.” Dan sighs, “I honestly haven’t even checked the app much since Phil set me up on it.” 

“Damn Dan just go get laid, maybe you’ll stop being so tense all the time.” Cristine rolls her eyes. 

“I’m not tense!” Dan exclaims. 

“Yeah and I assume you aren’t gay either?” 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Dan asks. 

“It’s lies. You are tense and you are gay.” 

“Very gay.” Dan corrects, “If you’re gonna label me then at least do it right.” 

“Alright your gayness, I will not disrespect lord super gay anymore.” Cristine jokes making Dan laugh. 

“Lord super gay is now my new Grindr name I swear...” 

.

Dan finally gets the nerve to get on the Grindr app only to see about thirty messages waiting, all of them extremely crude.

Dan sighs, Phil told him that’s what it would be like. 

“Oh?” Dan is intrigued buy a guy named Alex’s profile, “Hello hottie- wow.” 

He had long messy hair, some scruff on his face, and he was decked out in black clothes and a leather jacket. 

Dan looks at the message Alex sent him. 

‘Hey Dan, wanna come to my place? ;)’

Dan wants to cringe but he could give a fuck less, he wants to get laid and here he was with thirty guys at this fingertips, just a simple message away. 

Dan replies to Alex immediately.

‘Give me your address and I’ll be right over ;)’ 

Dan figured that was a good Grindr response, not that he really knew what he was doing. 

Dan doesn’t think he’s ever felt this nervous, he approaches the strangers door before knocking hesitantly. 

It almost immediately opens and there is the leather clad man from the photos. Yum, Dan thinks. 

“Hey cutie, glad you came.” 

Dan chuckles, “I don’t think I’ve came yet.” 

“Oh baby we’ll change that.” Alex steps back and allows Dan to step inside, but he doesn’t. 

“Um, you aren’t going to kill me are you?” Dan asks shakily. 

“Do you really think someone that’s planning on killing you will answer that question with a yes?” Alex jokes, Dan swallows thickly. 

“Right.” Dan emits a nervous laugh. 

“So you gonna take the chance or?” 

“Fuck it.” Dan steps inside the strangers house. 

“Damn you’re cute.” Alex licks his lips. 

Dan felt like a piece of meat being dangled in front of a hungry lion. 

“Thanks.” Dan replies simply. 

Alex sits on the couch and pats the cushion next to him, Dan sits on the opposite side of the couch and he pretends to not hear Alex’s annoyed huff. 

“So do you want a drink? I have beer, wine, vodka?” Alex asks. 

“No- no. I’m good.” Dan smiles at him shakily. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I-I’ve just never done this before.” Dan admits, “Now I’m in a strangers house and I’m just- sorry, you probably don’t care.” 

“Just relax, luckily I’m not a bad guy.” Alex says, giving Dan a smile. 

Dan feels a warm feeling rush through him, like the feeling he gets when someone is nice to him on a date. But this isn’t a date, it’s simply a hookup- and they aren’t even hooking up yet. 

“You sure you don’t want a drink?” Alex asks again. 

“You know what, I’ll take one.” Dan says, the second Alex is out of the room he Skype’s Phil. 

“Dan, what’s up?” 

“Guess where I’m at.” Dan sticks his tongue out playfully.

Phil squints his eyes as he tries to identify the background, “Wait- where are you?”

“I found someone on Grindr, I just got here-“

“You what?!” Phil’s eyes almost bug out of his head. 

“Relax! You do it all the time. You set me up for this remember?” Dan shrugs like this was all fine. 

“Okay Dan seriously where are you-“ Phil seemed slightly frantic. 

“I think he’s coming back, I gotta go.” 

“Dan tell me where you a-“ Dan hangs up. 

“Backup plans?” Alex jokes, seeing Dan with his phone. 

Dan let’s out a breathy laugh, “No just my friend.” He takes the drink from Alex, “You didn’t poison it did you?” 

“I guess you’ll have to find out.” Alex jokes. 

Dan mentally says ‘fuck it’ once more and takes a sip, it tasted fine. 

“So I don’t mean to-“ Alex is cut off by Dan’s phone ringing loudly.

Dan huffs, “I’m sorry, can I take this? It’ll just be a minute...” he picks up his phone. 

“Sure...” Alex sighs heavily, collapsing back onto the sofa.

Dan gets up and walks into a different room before answering the call, “What do you want Phil?!”

“I want to know where you are!”

“It doesn’t matter, let me have fun!” Dan huffs. 

“Dan please, what you’re doing isn’t safe-“

“You do it all the fucking time!”

“Yeah well I’m a cop and know how to defend myself!” Phil exclaims, “Just tell me the address so I can come get you please.”

“No.” Dan objects, “I’m gonna go get laid, thanks bye.” 

“Dan don’t you hang up on me-“ 

Dan hangs up, before turning his phone off and going back to Alex. 

“I’m sorry about that.” Dan says with an awkward sigh. 

“It’s all cool man.” Alex sits up, leaning closer to Dan.

“So uh... what do we do now?” Dan asks nervously, resting his folded hands in his lap. 

“Well, you can finish that drink or we can get right down to it.” Alex slowly pulls off his shirt and Dan gulps. 

‘Oh wow’, Dan thinks, ‘I’m actually doing this’.

Alex slides his hand up Dan’s thigh and Dan panics, “Um what if we just hang out tonight?” 

Alex looks confused, “Hang out?”

“Yeah um... get to know each other maybe?” Dan asks shyly. 

Alex pulls his hand away from Dan, “Sure.” He sighs, seeming unamused. 

Alex reaches for his shirt to put it back on again and Dan silently cusses himself out. 

‘Just do it’ Dan tells himself.

“You know what...” Dan speaks up, letting all of his nervous energy leave, “If you’d want to put your hand back on my leg I promise I won’t freak out again.” 

Alex smirks and throws his shirt back to the floor before tracing his fingers up Dan’s thigh, his hand pretty much rests on Dan’s crotch and Dan gives in. 

Dan takes one look into Alex’s eyes and pounces, their lips connect hotly in a mess of teeth and tongue and Dan pushes him onto his back as he straddles his lap. 

All of his nerves were gone even though Alex was a complete stranger, he felt so powerful. No wonder Phil did this so much. 

.

The next day Dan woke up in a strangers bed, “Alex?” 

“Good morning.” Alex smirks at Dan as he gets dressed for the day, “Your clothes are on the end of the bed, you should get dressed. I have to be at work in thirty minutes.”

“Okay.” Dan sits up and stretches, “What time is it?”

“Almost eleven.” 

“What?!” Dan jumps up and pulls on his clothes, “I had to be at work at nine this morning!” 

“Oof, yikes.” 

“Where’s my phone?” Dan asks, his heart was racing. He had an important meeting that morning and he never missed work- even when he was sick. 

“By the sofa, where you left it.” Alex says, watching Dan bolt out of the room.

Dan grabs his phone and runs out of the house towards his car, he turns on his phone and sees about twenty missed calls and god only knows how many messages from Phil, but Phil would have to wait. 

.

“I’m not kidding Ben- this isn’t funny.” Phil pulls at his hair in frustration, “Somethings wrong I can feel it.”

“Dan just went to have a nice Grindr hookup and here you are pacing around and freaking out over it.” Ben leans back against the cop car, sipping coffee from his thermos. 

“This is just so unlike him-“

“Weren’t you the one that signed him up for that damn app in the first place? It’s kind of your fault.” Ben says, Phil glares at him. 

“I wish I wouldn’t have. Fuck-“ Phil sighs shakily, “He would’ve called me back by know. I know him better than anyone- he wouldn’t ignore me, especially if he knows I’m worried about him.” 

Ben sighs, “If you’re that concerned we can go to his place and check it out.” 

“I’m driving.” Phil snatches the keys from Ben’s hands and Ben rolls his eyes.

They get to Dan’s place and Phil bangs on the door, “Dan!” 

“Don’t you have a key?” Ben asks. 

Phil rolls his eyes, suddenly Dan’s neighbor opens the door. He was a very strange old man. 

“Well hello officers, you looking for Dan?” He always was a nosy neighbor. 

“I am, have you seen him?” Phil asks. 

“Nope. He left last night and never came back.” 

“Damn it.” 

“I always knew there was something off about that kid, it’s always the quiet ones. I hope you catch him.” He says before just going back inside. 

Phil and Ben share a weird look before Phil pulls out his key and unlocks the door, “Dan!” He yells through the apartment. 

“Dan it’s me!” Phil yells again, “Damn it Ben he isn’t here.” 

“Don’t stress out okay-“

“I’m stressing out.” 

Ben rolls his eyes, “I’m sure he’s fine.” 

“We need to put an APB out on him, get everyone from the station to look for him.” Phil says.

“You have to be kidding, Phil I’m sure he’s fine. He’s probably just-“

“Yeah that’s what everyone says before they find said person dead in a ditch! I’m sorry Ben but I’m not going to find my best friend dead in a fucking ditch! Now call the damn station and get people looking for him now!” Phil yells, his eyes were filled with frustrated tears and his breathing was erratic. He didn’t often panic but he was just so scared something bad had happened to Dan. 

Ben gives Phil a look that was almost sympathetic, “Phil-“

Just then Phil’s phone began to ring and it was from Dan’s office at work, “Dan?!” 

“No it’s Cristine.” 

“Fuck-“ Phil almost cried right then and there, “I’m kind of freaking out, please tell me Dan is there and safe.” 

“No he isn’t here, that’s why I was calling you. He never showed up to work this morning and he had an important business meeting which he missed. I covered for him so it’s fine but where is he?” 

“He never misses stuff like that.” Phil says, trying to ignore the lump in his throat, “I don’t know where he is either.”

“You don’t have a single clue as to where he could be?” 

“No- I’m just-“ Phil and Ben share a look, “Im coming to the office to check some things out there, if you hear anything from him before I do please call me or have him call me. I’m worried.” 

“Will do.” Cristine replies.

“Okay, bye.” Phil hangs up. “Fuck fuck fuck-“

“Phil, breathe. I’m sure it’s okay.” 

“I swear to god if you tell me it’s okay one more fucking time I’m going to run myself over with our cop cruiser.” Phil snaps. 

Ben sighs, “Let’s just go to Dan’s office.” 

. 

Dan rounds the corner to his office and bolts inside only to be met with Cristine.

“Doing the walk of shame I see?” She asks, noticing his obvious sex-hair and the clothes he was also wearing the previous day. 

“I have no shame.” Dan smirks. 

“Then you didn’t do it right.” 

“Oh I did it amazingly.” Dan says, “Thanks for covering for me this morning, I didn’t mean to miss that.”

“It’s no problem really but I should probably call Phil before he has a conniption over you.” 

“Oh god Phil- I knew I was forgetting something.” Dan sighs. 

“He’s worried sick over you.” She says as she picks up the desk phone. 

“I just forgot to call him...” Dan shrugs like it’s no big deal. 

“He’s literally a second away from making a search party to come looking for you.” She rolls her eyes. 

“Can’t wait to never hear the end of this.” Dan tries to make his hair look more presentable and less like he slept on the floor of his office. 

The second Cristine goes to dial Phil’s number he comes walking into the office, his eyes immediately landing on Dan. 

“Funny, I was just about to call you.” Cristine says.

“Hi Phil.” Dan says. 

“Hi?!” Phil almost loses it, “I’ve been worried sick about you and all you can tell me is hi?!” 

“Oh lord.” Ben sighs.

Cristine subtly looks Ben up and down, “I’m Cristine, hopefully you like the softer of the two sexes.” She holds out her hand. 

“As a matter of fact I do.” Ben takes her hand, “My name is Ben.” 

Phil tries to yell at Dan over her, “Can you two go outside and flirt I’m trying to have a serious conversation here.” Phil huffs. 

Ben and Cristine leave the room and Phil gives Dan a glare. 

“You can’t seriously be mad at me.” Dan says, crossing his arms. 

“I can!” Phil shouts, “You just went to a strangers house- and I didn’t know where you were! Then you didn’t answer my calls... I thought that guy had killed you or something. I was scared, sorry for caring about you.” 

Dan rolls his eyes, “I’m fine Phil.” 

“But what if you weren’t fine?!” Phil asks, letting his frustrated tears come back. 

“Phil...” Dan sighs. 

Phil suddenly pulls Dan into his arms and hugs him tight, “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

Dan feels kind of bad, “Okay, I’m sorry. I thought you’d be proud of me. I did what you wanted me to do.” 

“What?” Phil pulls away from the hug.

“I hooked up with someone random, like you wanted me to. Right?” Dan asks. 

“No, Dan no.” Phil says, “I don’t want that for you.” 

“But why did you-“ Dan is cut off by Phil. 

“I don’t know honestly.” Phil sighs, “Please just... tell me where you are if you do it again. I’ll feel better about you doing that kind of thing if I at least know where to look if you go missing.” 

“You know I’m an adult and I don’t need you looking out for me.” 

“I’m still older than you and I feel like I need to protect you from all of the evil heartbreakers on Grindr.” 

“We can talk more later okay? I’m fine. I have a lot of work to do now.”

“Okay.” Phil sighs, “I think I lost Ben to Cristine though.” He looks out in the hallway to see them still flirting.

“That’s a duo we should’ve never put together.” Dan laughs breathily.

“Oops.”


	9. Chapter 9

Dan wishes he didn’t feel so ticked off at Phil but he was an adult, he could handle himself. Phils little episode was uncalled for. 

Phil couldn’t take the silence, since talking to Dan in his office he hadn’t heard anything from him. It had been four days. 

He sends Dan a text,

‘Please call me’

He knows Dan won’t, Dan was about as stubborn as they came. 

“Just go to his damn house.” Ben sighs. 

“It’s not that simple...”

“No, it is that’s simple.” 

“Literally just go bang on his door until he answers.” Ben shrugs. 

“Fine.”

“Seriously?” Ben asks.

“If he isn’t gonna call me back or come to me, then I’ll go to him.” Phil shrugs before hopping in his car and driving to Dan’s. 

He beats on the door with his fist, if Dan was in the apartment he should definitely hear him. “Dan open up! It’s me!” 

“I swear if you keep knocking like that I’m calling the cops!” Dan’s neighbor barges out of his apartment.

Phil sassily pulls his badge from his back pocket and flashes it at the old man.

“Oh, I’m sorry officer.”

Phil rolls his eyes, “Has Dan been home today?” 

“He left earlier.” 

“Do you know where he went?” Phil presses. 

“To his boyfriends house.” 

“His- w-“ Phil looks taken aback, “I’m sorry, his what now? His boyfriend?” 

“Yeah his boyfriend Alex.” The neighbor says, “That Dan kid seems pretty happy.” 

Phil gives him a shaky smile, feeling some weird pang in his chest- something he’s never felt before. 

“Anyway, I hope you catch him.” The neighbor says. 

“You know he hasn’t done anything wrong right? I’m just simply looking for him.” Phil says. 

“Sure. Not that you could tell me anything anyway.” The guy winks before going back into his house.

.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?” Phil asks the second Dan walks inside. 

Dan jumps and puts a hand over his heart, “Jesus Christ Phil-“ 

“Dan.” Phil presses. 

“I’m sorry okay, but honestly I’m not obligated to tell you everything about my life.” Dan rolls his eyes. 

“We tell each other everything- even things we probably shouldn’t. I know there’s some other problem here, just tell me what I did so I can fix it!” 

“Phil I’m tired.” Dan says, “Can you please leave?” 

Phil shakes his head, he looks disappointed, “You know, for the record. It feels amazing being ignored by you, it’s not like I need a best friend to talk to anyway. I’m perfectly fine being alone.” Phil says, voice laced with heavy sarcasm. 

Dan feels kind of bad but he just watches Phil leave. Dan knows he’s the only person in Phil’s life that he can rely on, other than Ben but Ben doesn’t know Phil nearly as well as Dan knows Phil. Dan knows he’s a shit friend for acting this way but he just didn’t know what to do. 

.

“You need to go back over there.” Ben says, pushing Phil. 

“No. He doesn’t want to see me.” 

“That’s bullshit Phil, you know it is.” Ben says with a heavy sigh, “Go over there with some takeout and beer and he’ll be right back to the Dan you know. I guarantee it.” 

“I’m tempted to try that just because I miss him.” 

“There we go, that’s called progress. You’re admitting feelings, you miss him.” 

“Fuck off Ben.” 

“Go to Dan already, you two need to stop being so dense.” Ben scoffs. 

.

Phil walks into Dan’s apartment, “Knock knock.” He says as he enters the kitchen, he sees Dan setting up the table, it was way over the top but so perfect for Dan who was an extreme romantic. 

“Oh. Phil, hey.” Dan gives him an unsure smile.

“I was going to offer takeout and beer but I see you already have dinner plans.” 

“It’s the first time Alex is coming to my place and I’m just trying to make it special.” Dan says, a happy lovesick smile on his face. 

Phil looks at all of the decorations and the fancy bottles of wine. 

“You think it’s too much?” Dan asks, sounding almost insecure. 

“No.” Phil smiles fondly, “It’s perfect.” 

“Really?” 

“If any man turns this down then they’re stupid, this is wonderful Dan.” Phil says making Dan smile wide, dimples and all. Phil feels his heart do a little flip in his chest and he swallows thickly, “Anyway I’m gonna go, have fun tonight okay?” 

“I will, I’ll call you tomorrow I promise.” Dan says and Phil gives him a small half-smile. 

Phil gets back to his car and sighs deeply, he felt sad and there was only one way to fix that. He opens Grindr and pulls up his most recent chat, “Ash, I’m coming to you.” 

He drives to the house, almost immediately he’s greeted at the door. 

“Hey Phil.”

“Hey Ash.” Phil replies, letting his eyes wander down this guys body, his hair was long and scruffy and he had sexy stubble, he wore all black and a leather jacket. 

“Neither of us are newbies so we can skip the drink part right?” Ash asks with a sly smile. 

“Fuck the drink.” Phil grabs Ash and pushes him back into the house, shutting the door with his foot, “I could get lost in you so much easier then I could in a damn drink.” Phil presses his lips to the other mans. 

Ash grips Phil’s shoulders, “You definitely aren’t shy are you?” 

“I don’t have time for shy.” Phil all but growls as he sinks his teeth into Ash’s neck, loving the moan he gets in response. 

“So glad I finally have a guy that can take control, I’m so sick of topping you wouldn’t believe.” 

“Yeah yeah, bedroom.” Phil demands.

Ash looks surprised but he shrugs, “Hell, alright. This way.” He pulls Phil to his bedroom. 

Phil shoves Ash down onto the bed, instantly pressing his body to the leather-clad one below him. Their mouths mold together as Ash’s phone rings. 

“Fucking hell just get it.” Phil pulls away so Ash can get his phone. 

“I’ll let it go to voicemail, it’s just this guy I had dinner plans with.” 

“Well you better cancel.” 

“Consider it done.” Ash says. 

Phil glances at his phone screen and sees an image of Dan on his screen, “Oh god- shit... no-“ 

Phil clambers off the bed and stares wide-eyed at Ash.

“What’s the matter?”

“You’re with Dan aren’t you?”

“I mean I’ve been with him a few times yeah, is there a problem here?” Ash asks. 

“Yeah he’s my best friend and I can’t do this to him. I’m not gonna sleep with his boyfriend that’s just shitty-“

“Woah woah woah- boyfriend?” Ash laughs bitterly, “Oh god do I have him whipped that good?”

Phil cocks his head in confusion, “What now?”

“God- boyfriend- that’s hilarious.” Ash lets his laughter die down, “I wouldn’t be Dan’s boyfriend even if I was payed a million pounds.” 

Phil slowly feels anger trickle through his veins, “Excuse me?”

“He’s so sappy and romantic. Like damn is he a good fuck but that’s really all I’m in it for.”

“So you’ve led him on?!” Phil shouts, “You’re literally setting him up for heartbreak!” 

“I frankly don’t give a fuck.” Ash laughs, “His ass is what I wanted and I’ve gotten it good for the past week.” 

Phil snaps and shoves Ash, “And what about your name? Ash? Alex?”

“Both are hookup names, neither are real.” He answers simply, “Sorry bout your buddy but he should’ve known better. Thinking he found a boyfriend on Grindr. God is he stupid.” 

Phil has to hold back so much to keep from lashing out, “He’s not stupid, you are. He’s kind and way too caring and you are a fucking dick. You’re stupid for treating him like this, you’re so fucking god damn stupid-“

“If he didn’t want to be taken advantage of then maybe you should tell him to stop being an easy little whore.” Ash laughs.

Phil closes his eyes and tries to summon any shred of peace he has left inside of him, “If you ever talk about my best friend like that again, I’ll beat the living shit out of you.” 

Ash puts his hands on his hips, “Dan is a stupid, easy, cock-loving whore.”

“You know...” Phil laughs, “That’s it.” He lunges at Ash, his fist connecting with his jaw. 

Ash tries to push Phil off of him and avoid his punches, “Get the fuck out of my house!” 

Phil gives it up, stepping back, “Gladly.” Ash grabs his arm, “I can exit by myself thank you.” Phil forces him off. 

Phil opens the door and Ash shoves him out, “Leave!” Phil growls from deep in his throat, he knows he’s a cop but if murder was legal then holy hell Ash would be a goner. 

The second Phil steps foot in his apartment he gets a call from Dan, “Dan?”

“Alex broke up with me.” 

Phil decides to keep what happened to himself, “I’m sorry Dan...” 

“Now I’m all alone and sad and I’m gonna die alone I can feel it.” 

Phil exits his apartment again and gets back in his car, “I’m coming over.”

“I have homemade tiramisu.” Dan sighs. 

“Death by chocolate again?”

“As always.” Dan sighs, “I also have fancy wine.” 

“You know he’s stupid right?”

“He is?”

“Every guy that dumps you is stupid. I see the lengths you go to do special things and make romantic dates and it’s adorable and lovely. They’re all stupid.” 

Dan sighs, “What would I do without you?” 

Phil doesn’t answer. 

Lots of tiramisu and red wine later Phil was really feeling guilty, but he couldn’t tell Dan what happened. It would break his fragile heart even more. 

“So many boyfriends come and go but you always stay.” Dan sighs, leaning his head on Phil’s shoulder, “Thanks for always being there, you’re the best Phil.”

Phil gulps, “I’m not really the best-“

“You are. All these guys are just such assholes and you just make my life better.”

“I think you’ve had too much wine.” Phil says with a nervous laugh. 

“I mean it!” 

“So do I- about the wine.” 

.

“You should tell him.” Ben says. 

“No, no I really shouldn’t.” Phil replies, “Plus it’s not like he’ll ever find out.”

“It’s Dan. He’ll probably find out.” Ben says, sounding sure, “Even if he doesn’t find out you’re always gonna have this in your head nagging at you and it’s gonna drive you crazy. Just tell him and get it over with. It’s better he hears it from you than someone else.” 

“Fine, I’ll tell him tonight.” Phil sighs, “This is gonna go so badly.”

“It’ll be fine, it’s not your fault anyway is it?”

“No but-“

“Then you shouldn’t worry.” 

.

“Hey.” Dan walks in, sitting next to Phil at the bar.

“Hey.” Phil sighs, setting his glass on the table a little too roughly. 

“What’s wrong? You said you wanted to talk about something.” 

“Yeah.” Phil slides a glass over to Dan, “Drink, you’ll need it.”

“What’s going on?”

“Just enjoy a drink with me before the inevitable happens and you end up hating me.” Phil says, he wasn’t even joking. 

“I could never hate you Phil, you’re the only man I don’t hate.” 

“That can always change.” Phil sighs. 

“What did you do?”

Phil takes a deep breath, “I might as well just say it huh?”

“Phil...”

“You know the other night before Alex broke up with you and I was at your house?” Phil asks. 

“Yeah, that’s definitely still fresh.” Dan picks up his drink and takes a sip. 

“After I left your place I got on Grindr and found a hookup-“

“You do that a lot, why would I be upset?” Dan asks with a shrug. 

“Some guy named Ash messaged me and I went to his house and we almost- we didn’t actually- but we almost hooked up. He got a call and it was from you.”

Dan looks confused, “I don’t know anyone named Ash-“

“It was Alex, Dan.” Phil says, “He was playing you.”

“Are you kidding me?!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t actually sleep with him I promise. If I would’ve known it was him I never would’ve even messaged him- you know I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

“I can’t believe this...” Dan shakes his head in disbelief, “He broke up with me because of that- because of you!”

“Dan he was using you! He told me he was just in it for sex so I told him off-“

“I’ve told you several times before I don’t need you protecting me like I’m some kid! I’m literally an adult Phil!” Dan exclaims. 

“I’m sorry okay! He was saying rude shit about you and I couldn’t just stand there and listen to it-“

“You’re unbelievable.” Dan glares at Phil with hurt in his eyes, “I’m done with trying. I’m done dating, done sleeping around, I give up.” Dan stands up and angrily shoves his chair in, “And I’m done with you.” 

“Dan!” Phil yells after him, his chest suddenly felt so empty.

“Can I get you another?” The bartender asks, gesturing to his glass.

Phil wipes away a tear before it falls, “No, I’m good.” He gets up before leaving to go back home.


	10. Chapter 10

Dan let’s his body sink into the sofa, listening to the sound of wine being poured. “If you could spare me the ‘men suck’ talk tonight that would be greatly appreciated.”

Cristine appears and sits next to Dan on the sofa, “Aw but that’s my favorite subject.” 

Dan takes the glass of wine from her, “Thanks for letting me come over, I just feel so crappy.” 

“We’re gonna turn that mood around.” Cristine says, “We have wine, chocolate, a pint of ice cream, and sappy romance movies.” 

Dan sighs out a laugh, “I really needed this kind of night.”

“I do this every night.” Cristine shrugs. 

“What about Ben?”

“Are you kidding me? This is his favorite thing! Give him ice cream, put us in matching snuggies, and flick on a romance movie and he’ll be happily crying within ten minutes!” 

“I need a man like that.” Dan chuckles.

“I thought you said you were done with dating.” Cristine quirks an eyebrow. 

“I am but if a guy like that came around then I wouldn’t object. I just want someone to actually give a fuck about me, I want someone to enjoy the things I try so hard to do for them. I feel like I could actually make someone so happy if given the chance.” Dan greedily sips his wine.

“One day that guy will come.” Cristine gives him a reassuring smile, “I believe he will, you’ll be treated like a king. You just need to wait for him to come to you, stop searching for them.” 

Dan sighs, “Nobody’s gonna want me I have a feeling. I’m gonna die alone.” 

“I mean I know someone that wants you.” Cristine says in that tone of voice Dan hated to hear. 

“If you even-“

“Phil.” Cristine says, “It’s Phil.” 

“No, I’m done with him too. He thinks he can just do all these things and protect me but I still get hurt. Hell, half the time it’s his fault!” Dan exclaims. 

“But he’s always been there.” She shrugs. 

Dan sighs again, this time heavier, “He has...”

“And you turn thirty-two in a week, you still have that pact.” 

“He doesn’t remember the pact Cris.” Dan rolls his eyes and downs half of his glass of wine. 

“He promised to not let you die alone but if you push him away he can’t fulfill that promise.” She sips her wine, “Just saying.”

“I just need a new start.” Dan says, he’s had something on his mind for a while and he just needs to put it out there. 

“How will you do that?”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you about something.” Dan sighs, “And I know you’ll be mad at me but I don’t want you to freak out.”

“If you tell me not to freak out before telling me something then odds are I’m going to freak out Dan.”

“You know how we have that office up north? Like other side of the country north?” Dan asks. 

“Yeah, what does that have to do with anything?” 

“I got a job offer there, for a higher position.” Dan says, preparing for Cristine to beat him a new one. 

“Dan you aren’t moving across the country are you?” She asks sadly, she looked so hurt. 

“I have too.” Dan explains, “I need a new start away from all of this and the new job is my only opportunity to get it.” 

“That sounds like your just running from your problems Dan.” 

“I just need to start fresh, please understand.” Dan says, “I’ll miss you.” 

“I’ll miss you too but I understand.” She sighs heavily, “Let me have a going away party for you at least.”

“No.” Dan shuts that down, “Definitely not.”

“Just let me invite some friends over for drinks-“

“No more than six.” Dan tells her, sounding firm. 

“Deal.” 

Silence settles upon them for a second before Cristine speaks up again.

“How are you going to tell Phil that you’re moving all the way across the country? You’re gonna break his little heart.”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Dan sighs. 

“I could have Ben tell him.” 

They share a look. 

.

“Phil, open up!” Ben pounds on Phil’s front door, “Phil!”

Ben sighs before lifting up the welcome mat, finding the key, “And you’re supposed to be a cop.” Ben shakes his head in disbelief. 

Ben unlocks the door and steps inside, stepping over strewn beer bottles and pizza boxes. 

Phil was completely crashed out on the sofa in nothing but his underwear with a half empty beer in his hand. 

“Wow this is sad.” Ben mumbles, “Phil get up!” 

Phil jumps up wide-eyed, “Jesus Ben- fuck.” 

“Sorry for scaring you princess but you didn’t show up for work, also I have to talk to you.” 

“About what?” Phil rubs the sleep out of his eyes and looks at the warm beer in his hand before just throwing it, “Ugh.” 

“Put some clothes on first, jesus.” Ben rolls his eyes. 

Phil runs a hand through his messy hair as he stands up, “Fine.” 

“There I’m proud of you, now sit.” Ben gestures to the couch next to him once Phil comes back fully clothed. 

Phil flops his body next to Ben, “What?”

“You’re a mess.”

“I’m aware.”

“So Cristine is having this little party thing Thursday afternoon... you’re invited. There’s just going to be a few people there-“

“Is Dan going to be there?” Phil asks, cutting Ben off. 

“Yep.” Ben relies, he can’t bring himself to tell Phil it’s a going away party for Dan. Especially when he looks so happy about getting to see him. 

“I’ll be there.” Phil says, “I really need to talk to him, I can’t handle having him ignore me like this. I miss my best friend.”

Ben feels guilty, “I’m sure things will probably be fine...”

.

Thursday rolls around and Dan was laughing with Cristine over something that happened at the office a while back. 

“I’m gonna miss this.” Dan sighs sadly. 

“You could always stay.” Cristine suggests. 

“I really can’t, I have to get out or my life will be stuck in this never ending cycle. I need change.” 

“We’ll all miss you, you know?” Cristine smiles sadly. 

“I’ll miss you guys too but I need to do this.” 

“I know you do, and you know I wish you the best.” Cristine says. 

Ben suddenly walks up to them, “Phil’s here.” 

Dan gives him a nod, “Did you-“

“I couldn’t tell him, I’m sorry.” Ben admits. 

“Oh god- Ben-“ Dan begins to panic, “What am I gonna say? How will I tell him that I’m-“

“Hey Dan.” 

Dan turns around when he hears Phil’s unsure sounding voice. 

“Hi.” Dan gulps. 

“I didn’t know if you’d want to talk to me, or even see me for that matter but-“

“No, no. I’m glad you’re here.” Dan smiles softly at him, he felt like he was going to be sick. 

“Really?” Phil looked taken aback. 

“Yeah, I missed you.”

“Thank god because I missed you too.” Phil has no idea and Dan felt so terrible right now. 

“Um, Phil-“ Dan starts, unsure of how to go about this conversation, “Can- can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course.” 

“We’re just gonna go.” Cristine grabs Ben’s arm, “Ben do you still have a shovel?”

“Yeah, why?” Ben asks curiously. 

“Because I’m going to go dig a three foot wide and six foot deep hole in the backyard.” Cristine laughs nervously, “After their little chat they might need it.” Cristine then pulls Ben out the back door, leaving Dan and Phil to talk. 

“Um- okay?” Phil looked confused, “Dan, what’s going on?”

“Uh...” Dan swallows thickly, “Phil you know I’d do anything to keep you happy, but I need to do something for me.” 

Phil now looked even more confused, “Dan what are you-“

“This is a going away party.” Dan sighs. 

“For- for who?”

“For me.” Dan says, he continues to speak before Phil could start freaking out on him, “Just listen, I need a new start okay? I can’t take it here anymore-“

“Dan y-you-“ Phil didn’t even know what to say, “You’re actually leaving?” 

“There’s nothing left for me here.” Dan tells him. 

Phil steps back, he shakes his head incredulously, “Me?” He suggests. 

“Phil you know I-“

“No.” Phil shuts him up, “I get it, I’m just so terrible aren’t I? I try to help you and be there for you but it’s just not good enough for you is it?”

“That isn’t what this is about!” Dan exclaims, “Phil I don’t want to fight with you- I don’t want to leave fighting with you. Just- please.” 

Phil looks down at the floor and sighs, continuing to shake his head in disbelief, “Yeah okay, bye Dan.” 

“Phil!” Dan yells, watching Phil turn around and leave out the back door. 

Cristine immediately walks over to Dan, “Dan I’m so sorry, just- no don’t do that.” She says softly when Dan’s eyes fill with tears. 

“I-“ Dan let’s out a shuddery breath, “I just lost my best friend.”

“No- no you didn’t.” Cristine places her hand on his back.

“I’m a bad person aren’t I?”

“No!” Cristine shuts that idea down instantly, “He’ll understand, just give him a day or two.” 

“I’m leaving Saturday morning...” 

“Give him until Saturday, he’ll come see you I’m sure.” 

.

“Phil wait!” Ben runs after Phil once he storms out of the house. 

“You fucking knew!” Phil spins around, he was angry and sad.

“Phil just listen, Dan needs this-“

“I need him!” Phil yells, “God Damn it I don’t want to be selfish but I don’t want him to go!”

“Then you go tell him that!” 

“He doesn’t care about anything I have to say anymore!” Phil tries to calm his unsteady breathing, “But you knew it was a going away party for him. You didn’t tell me.”

Ben sees his eyes fill with tears, “I figured you deserved to hear it from him.”

Phil sighs, “I need a drink.” 

“Phil-“ Ben watches Phil walk away and get into his car. He sighs and walks back to the party, seeing Dan on the verge of breaking down. 

Cristine looks at him, “Did he-?”

“He left.” Ben sighs, “I’m sorry Dan.” 

“Excuse me for a minute...” Dan chokes as he holds back tears, he runs to the bathroom. 

Cristine and Ben look at each other sadly, this was a mess.


	11. Chapter 11

Phil sinks down into his couch cushions, his fifth beer in hand. 

He couldn’t believe Dan was actually leaving, tomorrow morning he’d be gone. 

Phil hasn’t even spoke to Dan since the party and sure he regrets it but he can’t bring himself to call him. He doesn’t know what to say. 

Phil just falls asleep, everything was just too much right now. 

The second his eyes closed the vivid dreams started.

Phil walked down the aisle, sitting in a front row seat, at the alter was Dan and another guy with his back to Phil. 

“Now we can begin.” The woman standing beside Dan and the mystery man spoke. 

Phil couldn’t move, he was stuck in his seat and it felt like a million hands were holding him down. 

“Before I start the next bit I have to say, if anyone here objects this marriage- anyone at all- speak now.” Her eyes suddenly land on Phil, almost staring into his soul, Dan was looking at him too, almost expecting Phil to do something “Or forever hold your peace.” 

Phil didn’t speak, he couldn’t even if he wanted too, his mouth felt like it was glued shut and his throat was closed off. 

The woman turns back to the two men at the alter and Dan’s smile suddenly looks a little sad, almost like he wanted Phil to object. 

“Dan, do you take this man to have and to hold, in sickness and in health?” 

Dan smiles at the unknown man like he was so sickeningly in love, Phil wanted to scream. 

“I do.” 

No, Phil thinks, no no no.

Phil couldn’t hear the other man’s voice as he spoke, but soon the woman was speaking again. 

“I now pronounce you husband,” She gestures to Dan, “-and husband.” She gestures to the mystery man. “You may now kiss.” 

Phil blinked and suddenly he wasn’t sitting in the front row anymore, he was beside the alter with Dan in front of him holding his hands. 

Dan was leaning in to kiss him and Phil felt his mind suddenly come alive. 

Phil jumps awake, dropping his beer bottle and accidentally letting it spill all over the floor. 

“What-“ He was so confused, his mind was a jumbled mess and his hands were shaking. 

His phone rings and he picks it up without hesitation, “Yeah?” 

It was Ben, “Hey, have you talked to Dan at all?”

Phil almost choked upon hearing Dan’s name, the dream he just had was way too fresh in his mind, “No, I haven’t.”

“You know you probably should. This is your only chance to-“

“I know okay, but I’m just gonna let him go.”

“Don’t let him go Phil, you don’t want that- I don’t even think he wants that.” Ben tells him. 

“I don’t-“

“At least tell him happy birthday.”

“That’s not until Sunday, he’s leaving tomorrow- which is Saturday.” Phil huffs. 

“I’m just trying to get you to talk to him.” Ben sighs. 

“Yeah?” Phil asks, “Well I’m not gonna.” He hangs up. 

.

“Wow, in a bar on a Saturday morning? You must be messed up.” Ben says as he sits by Phil. 

“How did you find me?” Phil asks as he sips on some drink the bartender gave him, he just asked for something strong. 

“I know all the places to look for you when you’re upset.” Ben states. 

“Yeah...” Phil sighs, “I wish you didn’t.”

“Listen Dan is leaving soon.” 

“You think I don’t know that?”

“This is your last chance.” Ben says, “I don’t want you two to part this way.”

“It’s done Ben.”

“It doesn’t have to be!”

“Yes it does.” Phil says, sounding mildly bitter. 

“You know he doesn’t want to leave you-“

“He already made the decision to leave.” Phil shrugs. 

“You can change his mind. You just have to do one simple thing.” Ben says.

“Yeah? And what in the hell would that be?” 

“The pact.”

“No.” Phil says, but it didn’t sound like an upset no. 

“You two are miserable when you’re away from each other! I don’t want you to mope around like this forever when happiness is one little distance away!” 

“I’m not doing it Ben.” 

“Okay you know I’m sorry.” Ben suddenly sounds angry, “I’m so damn sorry that you two care about each other- it's so crazy to think that two people that care about each other as much as you and Dan do would ever want to be in a relationship!”

“Ben-“

“I’m so sorry that Dan is such an amazing person and you have him right at your fingertips. I’m so sorry that you could be happier than you’ve ever been if you just call him. I’m so so fucking sorry for you really.”

“I just-“ Ben keeps cutting Phil off from speaking. 

“You’re always so enamored and amazed with everything Dan does. All of Dan’s dates leave because they think it’s too much- hell even I think it’s too much! But you know who doesn’t? You!” Ben exclaims, he has snapped, “Isn’t it funny how after Dan’s dates fail you two always end up on the date?”

Phil puts his head in his hands. 

“Just admit it Phil, you act like you’re some ‘anti-romance never gonna settle down’ guy but you just need to let it go. Admit what you really feel, sure you’re an asshole to every guy you even get close to but you have a soft spot. That soft spot is Dan.” Ben doesn’t even stop there, “You always pick him up when he’s down and you two have a connection that anyone would kill to have with someone. Please don’t ruin this, don’t let him go- you don’t want to let him go Phil. I can tell.” 

Phil knew he had tears running down his cheeks, “It’s too late Ben.”

“He could still be at his house if we hurry.” Ben stands up, “C’mon.” 

Phil is pulled towards the door and shoved into the passenger side of Ben’s car, “What if-“

“Don’t ‘what if’ me, we’ll cross the what if bridge if we get to it.”

Phil practically runs to Dan’s apartment door, not even giving Ben time to fully stop the car. 

“Dan! Please tell me you’re still here!” Phil beats on the door, yelling desperately. 

“You just missed him.” Phil jumps and spins around, facing the old man that was Dan’s neighbor.

“What- no...” Phil sounded sad and desperate, he just wanted to get to Dan.

“Yeah, he left about an hour ago.” The old man shrugs.

“I’m too late.”

“Aren’t you gonna catch him officer?” The old man asks.

“You realize Dan isn’t a criminal right? That’s not what I’ve been coming here-“

“I know that! I’m not stupid!” The old man yells, “It’s obvious you love him!”

Phil looks taken aback, the old man continues. 

“Go after him! You have a cop car- drive that son of a bitch! Don’t end up like me, the bachelor lifestyle won’t make you happy when you’re my age. Go get him.” 

“I will.” Phil says, immediately running back to Ben in the cop cruiser, “Go after him.” 

“We can only go so far until we have to turn back Dan, this car only gets us about an hour out, and he left an hour ago.” 

“Traffic was bad earlier, we can still catch him. We have speed in this thing, go!” Phil demands and Ben steps on the gas, flicking the lights on and speeding down the road. 

Phil got more fidgety as they reached their stopping point, Ben pulls over, “Phil I can’t go any farther in the cop cruiser.”

Phil looks down at his lap, ignoring the overwhelming surge of sadness, “We’re too late.” 

“I’m sorry man.” Ben sighs, “We really tried.”

“He’s gone.” Phil shrugs, he turns in the seat and leans his head on the window. 

Ben’s phone rings and Phil completely ignores his conversation, he doesn’t care. 

“Hey.” Ben answers. 

“Where are you?” Cristine asks. 

“I’m with Phil, we tried to catch Dan but he’s gone.” Ben sighs sadly, glancing over at Phil who looked completely emotionless. 

“Ben- Dan is here!” Cristine yells, “He stopped by to say goodbye to me before he left, he’s still here.”

“What?!” Ben turns the car on, “Keep him there as long as you can.” 

“I’ll try.” 

Ben hangs up and Phil was looking at him quizzically. 

“Dan’s with Cristine, he hasn’t completely left yet.” Ben immediately begins speeding back down the road.

“He’s-“ Phil inhales sharply, “Go faster!”

“Do you want to get to Dan alive? If so then shut ups!”


	12. Chapter 12

“Just stay a little longer, have a mimosa!” Cristine begs. 

“I really have to get going, and I’m driving Cris.” Dan refuses the drink.

“Please just stay a little longer.” She pleads with him, “If you take the drink then you can’t drive so you can stay.” 

“No!” Dan chuckles, pushing the drink away, “I can’t stay here forever.” 

“Not even five minutes?” 

Dan holds out his arms, “Bye Cristine.” 

Cristine hugs him, “I’ll just hold you here for five minutes.”

“No! I have to go-“ Dan laughs, struggling to pry her off of him.

“Dan you want to stay.” 

“Stop trying to convince me to stay, I have to go. This will be good for me- I’ve told you.” Dan sighs. 

“So I can’t make you stay?”

“Bye.” Dan walks backwards to the door. 

“What about Phil?!” She blurts out.

“Me and Phil just-“ Dan sighs, “He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I wouldn’t blame him if he wants nothing to do with me.”

“He’s going to miss you.” 

“Then he could’ve came to see me, nothing was stopping him.” Dan shrugs, he felt sad about leaving but he knew he had too. 

“Dan...”

“Goodbye, for real this time.” Dan gives Cristine a smile before turning to exit the house. 

.

Cristine meets Ben and Phil outside the second they pull in. 

Phil jumps out of the car, “Please tell me he’s still here-“

“He literally just left, I’m sorry.” Cristine says, giving Phil a sad smile. 

“God damn it!” Phil kicks the tire on Ben’s car, feeling everything inside of him somehow scream. He tried so hard but he was just simply too late. “I can’t believe I just- I failed! He’s fucking gone-“ Phil breathes heavily, unable to calm himself down, “I need him, I want him to come back I-“

“Phil.” Ben says suddenly, “Look.”

Phil looks down the road, seeing Dan’s car approaching. 

Without thinking, Phil bolts towards it making Dan slam on the breaks. 

“Phil are you crazy?!” Dan screams, looking severely agitated. 

Ben steps in front of the car so Dan couldn’t get away and Cristine goes behind it. Dan huffs and gets out of the car, “What do you want?”

Phil steps closer to Dan, “I-“ now he doesn’t know what to say, “Stay.”

“Phil I’m leaving.” Dan crosses his arms. 

Phil couldn’t calm his frantic thoughts, “Please- stay.” 

“Nothing you do will change my mind.” 

Phil grabs Dan’s face and pulls him in, pressing their lips together. It was the easiest way to say it without saying anything at all.

Dan looks slightly shocked once Phil lets him go but suddenly his expression changes and he somehow looks more agitated than before, “Do you really think that is going to change my mind?!”

Phil looks scared, he was scared- scared of Dan leaving. He couldn’t lose him. 

“Just hear me out, please just- just listen.” Phil begs, “I know I’m an asshole and you’re wonderful but I-“

Ben gives Phil a pointed look.

“Fuck it- Dan I love you okay? I’m terrible with words and I’m not a romantic like you. I’m sorry I didn’t come running to you on a white horse like you deserve but this is all I could manage. I don’t want you to go and I know I’m practically toxic and I’ve never been in a real relationship but I’d change everything for you if you just stay. I may not be Prince Charming but you know I’d slay a dragon for you, I’d do anything for you.” 

Dan sighs, trying to keep his agitated demeanor even though he feels his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He was trying so hard not to give in, he wanted to give in- but he also wanted to see how far Phil would go for him. 

“You know what-“ Phil sighs, reaching in his pocket, “Cristine you’re a lawyer right?” 

“Sure am.” She replies. 

“Can you please tell me if this is still legally binding?” Phil pulls the napkin out of his pocket that had their pact written on it. 

Dan gasps upon seeing it, after all this time Phil still had it. 

“I charge seven hundred an hour.” She jokes, taking the napkin from Phil, “But for you I can make an exception to look at this.”

“So?” Phil breathes, meeting eyes with Dan. 

“Well it isn’t legally binding.” Cristine shrugs, “It says here that the pact doesn’t become an actual thing until Dan’s thirty-second birthday, which isn’t until tomorrow.”

“I guess we’ll just have to stand here until tomorrow then.” Phil says.

“Do I not get a say in this?!” Dan asks, sounding pissed, “Like can I not tell everyone my feelings on this situation?!”

Phil swallows thickly, “Y-Yeah, of course.” He steps back.

“I think-“ Dan begins, still sounding pissed, “After this many years...” his serious demeanor cracks and he lets a small smile adorn his lips, “-I at least deserve a proper kiss.” 

Phil’s smile matches Dan’s and they pull each other in closer, Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s shoulders as their lips meet. 

Cristine and Ben shared an accomplished smile, because finally- finally they managed to get Dan and Phil together. 

They giggled against each other’s lips, the second they pulled away they’d be back together. Both of them just felt so indescribably happy. 

Phil pulls Dan in closer by his waist, pulling his lips away and resting their foreheads together. 

Dan couldn’t hide his tears as Phil spoke, “I love you.” 

Dan just giggles, feeling so in love, “I know.” 

“Hey.” Phil complains softly, a light happy tone to his voice. 

“Listen you better know that I love you too.” Dan smiles fondly. 

Phil just hugs him tighter and kisses him again.


	13. Chapter 13

“Hey why are you calling me?” Dan asks, answering Phil’s Skype call. Phil’s face and part of his shirtless torso show on his screen, Dan sees the familiar sheets wrapped around him. 

“I always call you after I hook up with a hot guy, remember?” Phil smirks.

“Hot guy huh?” Dan asks with a sigh, he shakes his head incredulously.

“Mhm, very hot. He’s really far out on the cute side too, just perfect really.” 

“Oh?” Dan tilts his head, “Well in that case you should hang up this call and do it again.” 

“I think I will.” Phil tosses his phone to the side before rolling over on top of Dan.

“Hey! Don’t break my iPad!” Dan giggles as Phil kisses his neck.

“Ugh.” Phil rolls off of him so Dan can safely move his beloved electronic. 

“There, now you can pounce.” Dan says making Phil roll his eyes. 

Phil places his hand on the side of Dan’s face gently before leaning in to peck him on the lips, Dan hums. 

“What?” Phil asks, “I know that look, you’re planning something.”

Dan pushes against Phil’s bare shoulder until he was flat on his back, he slowly sinks below the blanket.

“Oh-“ Phil says in realization, “Well I definitely don’t object to this.” 

Dan rests one hand on Phil’s stomach, gripping his cock with the other. He feel’s Phil’s stomach muscles tense below his hand and he smirks before pressing his lips to the head of Phil’s cock. 

Phil moves the blanket so he could watch Dan, he gently runs his hand through Dan’s messy hair, it was already matted with sweat from the first round of sex they had. 

Dan looks up at Phil through his eyelashes, his big dark brown eyes made him look a lot more innocent than he should look right now. 

“Dan-“ Phil breathes, “Don’t be a tease.” Phil complains as Dan kitten licks the tip of his dick. 

Dan giggles adorably before quickly taking Phil’s cock down his throat. 

Phil’s hand tightens in Dan’s hair and he grips the sheets with his other, “Fuck-“ He says with a rush of forced air, “If I would’ve known how good your mouth was then I would’ve pounced on you the second I met you.” 

Dan slowly pulls off before sinking back down again, sucking so hard his cheeks were hollowing. 

Phil’s eyes practically roll back in his head as he moans deeply, letting his head fall back against the pillows. 

Dan swirls his tongue in all the best ways and he swallows around Phil’s cock making his hips jerk. 

Dan savors the taste of Phil’s cock for a few minutes before pulling away completely, leaving it completely hard and covered in his spit. 

Phil glances down to see a single string of spit still connecting Dan’s lips to his cock, Dan’s face was flushed and his breathing was slightly off normal.

Dan climbs up Phil’s body with an adorable smirk on his face, Phil pulls Dan down to be flush against him. 

Phil presses his lips to Dan’s red and swollen ones, his mouth was just delectable in every single so-good way. 

Phil rolls them over until Dan was on his back with Phil hovering over him, their tongues tangle behind Dan’s lips and Dan breathes out a satisfied moan. 

Their lips disconnect with a loud smooch sound making Dan giggle, his giggle turns to a moan as Phil moves to bite at his collarbones. 

Dan slides his hand up Phil’s back to his neck then into his hair, pulling him closer. 

Phil makes his way up Dan’s neck, leaving soft bites that make Dan emit the best little noises. 

“You’re so damn cute.” Phil says fondly, loving Dan’s breathy little giggle. 

Dan moves his legs to bend at the knees on either side of Phil, he pulls Phil closer to him- as if closer was possible. 

Phil reaches down between them to grip his dick and lead it into Dan’s awaiting hole. Dan tries pushing his body down to find it but he stays put after Phil gently places a hand on this shoulder. 

Phil pushes in slowly, holding in the moan that so desperately wants to surface. Dan’s eyes fall shut and he bites his lip to keep his jaw from going slack, a moan forces itself out of him and he grips Phil’s shoulders.

“Fuck.” Dan sighs breathily, opening his eyes to look up at Phil.

Phil gives him a fond gaze and a soft smile as he leans down to kiss Dan’s lips. They were slightly chapped yet so plump and perfect and warm- Phil could kiss him forever if time would allow. 

A small whimper like noise gets caught in Dan’s throat. Dan could definitely say Phil was the biggest he’s ever had- also the best. It was so much better with Phil because he knew Phil actually loved him and wouldn’t dump him in a week after an overly romantic date. Phil was just so lovely to Dan, in every sense of the word. 

Their bodies move in an almost perfect sync. This was so much better than just a hookup, Phil thinks, sure the one night stands were invigorating but that time in his life was over. Phil was ready for a life of making love to Dan and Dan only. 

Dan’s blunt nails drag down Phil’s pale skin, leaving red lines down his back. “Phil-“ Dan moans softly, he felt so warm both inside and out. 

Phil’s hips continue to slowly move against Dan’s, they were so close together that you couldn’t tell where one person started or the other ended. Dan pulls Phil down by the back of his neck to kiss him, he loved being so tangled up with Phil like this. 

Phil gives a soft bite to Dan’s bottom lip before sealing his lips over Dan’s, practically swallowing up all of his moans and breathy noises. 

Phil’s hands gently trail up and down Dan’s sides, he could feel the pattern of Dan’s uneven breathing from how close together their chests were. 

Phil pulls back before pressing a kiss to the corner of Dan’s mouth, he slowly moves down his jaw and neck. Dan let’s all the air leave his lungs softly as Phil’s tongue grazes his neck. Phil gently sucks at the sensitive skin below Dan’s ear, loving how Dan’s moans got louder.

Dan was drowning in so many good sensations- Phil’s hands, Phil’s lips, Phil’s hips that were still moving steadily. Dan felt like he was breathing life in and he has never felt so altogether amazing. 

Phil pushes himself up onto his elbows, letting one hand trail down Dan’s stomach. His fingers loosely curl around Dan’s cock and the guttural moan that leaves Dan was so hot Phil momentarily couldn’t breathe. 

“Mmm-“ Dan hums loudly, letting his body arch into Phil’s touch. 

Phil tightens his hand and moves it faster, rubbing his thumb over the head of Dan’s dick. 

“Ah- fuck.” Dan moans, his face scrunching up in pleasure. He grips Phil tighter, digging his nails deep into his shoulder blades. 

Phil presses his thumb against the slit on Dan’s dick and Dan’s whole body twitches as an incomprehensible noise gets caught in his throat. 

Dan feels every nerve in his body come alive and everything just tingles in the most amazing way as shockwaves of pleasure shake his body, he wriggles around beneath Phil, “Phil- close... ahh f-fu-“ Dan couldn’t even get his mouth to form a sentence, he was just so out of it. 

Phil lets a deep moan go with his long shuddery exhale, his hips suddenly slam into Dan as he comes, sending Dan into his own orgasm. Phil tries to keep his hand moving on Dan’s dick as he concentrates on himself. 

Dan’s body practically jackknifes off of the bed as he trembles through his orgasm, a loud “Fuck!” leaving his lips followed by a scream of Phil’s name. 

Phil pants heavily as he pulls out of Dan, he wanted to move before everything got too terrible sensitive. He lets his body sink into the sheets beside Dan, he pulls his boyfriend to his chest and he presses a kiss to his sweat dampened hair. 

Dan sighs into Phil’s shoulder, letting his mind slowly unscramble, “Wow.”

Phil emits a breathy laugh, “Wow was it?”

“Mhmm.” Dan hums as a response. 

Phil presses his lips to Dan’s before humming out an, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Dan smiles, he wraps his arms around Phil’s torso. 

Phil moves so Dan can lay on his chest, “Happy birthday Dan.”

“Very happy.” Dan giggles breathily. 

Phil rolls his eyes fondly.

“Thanks for not letting me go.” Dan tells Phil, tracing abstract patterns against Phil’s warm skin with his fingertips. 

“Thanks for not leaving me.” Phil responds, kissing the top of Dan’s head, “I promised you I wasn’t going to let you die alone.”

“Oh so now that I’m thirty-two I’m gonna die am I? That’s what this is?” Dan asks in amusement. 

“Not what I meant.” Phil chuckles, “I meant, how can I know if you’re gonna die alone or not if you aren’t here with me?”

“Good point.” 

“Now I’m sure you won’t die alone, I’m not leaving you ever.” Phil sighs softly. 

“That’s so sweet I could be sick.” Dan says before yawning. 

“Did you think I still had the napkin?” Phil asks, referring to their pact contract. 

“Honestly I didn’t even think you remembered the pact- let alone that you still had the damn napkin.” 

“I never forgot it.” Phil admits. 

“Me either.” Dan replies. 

“I guess according to the pact we have a wedding to plan.” Phil sighs, half-joking but half-not. 

“Hm, I guess we do.” Dan replies in the same tone. 

“Do you want that?” Phil asks. 

“Want what?” Dan presses, he wants Phil to ask the actual question word for word. 

“You know...” Phil says, “That.” 

“C’mon I know you aren’t romantic but you can do it.” Dan giggles. 

“Okay. Dan, do you want to marry me?”

“Will you.” Dan corrects. 

“What?” Phil furrows his eyebrows in confusion. 

“Say it again.” Dan was just teasing Phil at this point, neither of them minded, “It’s will you, not do you want to.” 

Phil sighs, “You’re so lucky I love you-“

“Hm what was that?” 

Phil laughs breathily, “Okay okay- Dan, will you marry me?”

“Let me think about it.” Dan says making Phil bust out laughing. 

“Oh my god I hate you!” 

“I guess since I’ve spent most of my life with you since the age of 18, spending the rest of my life with you won’t be so terrible. I can marry you, sure.” Dan hugs Phil tighter. 

“Nope.” Phil says. 

“Nope?” Dan lifts his head up to look at Phil in confusion. 

“You’re supposed to say yes, not sure.” Phil mocks Dan’s tone from a mere minute ago. 

Dan rolls his eyes, “Okay, yes Phil. I will marry you.” 

“There we go.” Phil laughs, his tongue poking between his teeth. 

Dan leans in and presses a soft kiss to Phil’s lips, he pulls back and gives Phil a look. 

“What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?” Phil asks in confusion. 

“I just can’t believe this.” Dan sighs, “You kept that napkin this whole time. Have you secretly been in love with me this whole time too?”

“I think we’ve been secretly in love with each other and we just repressed it because we thought we’d make a bad couple.” 

“That’s exactly it honestly.” Dan sighs. 

“We don’t make a bad couple do we?” Phil asks, sounding almost insecure, “I know I’m not exactly the romantic type but I do love you and I care about you more than-“

“Phil, we are perfect together. Stop worrying yourself.” Dan tells him, “And I don’t know, you might want to rethink that whole romantic thing.”

“Huh?”

“Think about it, you’ve literally done every romantic date with me that I’ve set up- after my dates all inevitably ditched me- and you enjoyed it every time did you not?” Dan asks. 

“I really did.” Phil says, “But I don’t know if it was the date itself, I think it was just you.” 

“That’s a fairly romantic thing to say.” Dan says, “You’ve actually said so many sweet things to me, I don’t think you realize.”

“Because I love you.” Phil shrugs simply. 

“So I don’t think you’re a whole-hearted romantic like me but you aren’t as anti-love as you think you are.” Dan explains, “You’re actually a sweetheart Phil, you just had to get with the right person.” Dan squeezes Phil tighter, “Which you did.”

“I do like your cute little dates and how you make everything so adorably cute and perfect.” Phil says, “Maybe I’m not all that edgy and stone cold.” 

“This is a revelation for you isn’t it.” Dan giggles. 

“I love this new feeling I have though. Like I have one steady person to come home to everyday, I don’t have to go on Grindr ever again. Now I have unlimited love, happiness, and sex.” Phil says. 

“Tell me what you love about me.” Dan requests softly. 

“What?” Phil’s face turns a light shade of red.

“Don’t be shy, it’s just me listening.” 

“Okay.” Phil sighs, “I love everything about you, even when you annoy me just because I don’t know- I just do. You’re so cute and hot at the same time and I love giving you big squishy hugs because you’re just so lovely and warm in my arms. There’s not a single flaw about you in my eyes, even when you fuck things up or break something or say something wrong I still love it simply because it’s you.-“

“Okay-“ Dan stops him, “My heart is going to explode if you keep going.” Dan’s smile was so wide and full of genuine happiness. 

“Well we wouldn’t want that.” Phil chuckles, “I love you Dan, I’m glad I finally came to my senses.” 

“I love you too Phil, and I’m also glad you came to your senses.” 

Phil just holds Dan to his chest, thinking out how amazing a turn his life just took. 

“Did you delete Grindr?” Dan asks, “Just curious.” 

“I deleted it like a week ago.” Phil says, “I kinda realized I was in love with you so I just deleted it because I knew nobody else could make me happy and hookups would just make me sadder.” 

Dan sighs, “I feel like an ass for getting mad at you over Alex.”

“It’s okay, I mean I-“

“Don’t even try to say you did anything, you didn’t even know it was him.” Dan says, “I’m just mad that I shut you out over nothing.” 

“It’s forgotten okay? This is about us now.” 

“Okay, us.” Dan agrees before letting himself completely relax against Phil. He feels Phil’s arms tighten around him as he falls asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Phil could almost feel his heart explode with so many feelings of love and happy as he watched Dan walk towards him. 

His metallic black suit reflected in the sunlight and god he just looked so beautiful, Phil thought. 

The distance between them got smaller and Phil held his hands out for Dan’s as he walked up the few stairs to him. 

Dan’s breath was taken away, Phil looked amazing and both of them just felt so settled. Standing across from each other right now felt more comforting than anything ever had. 

Phil was just focused on Dan’s eyes, he heard a few words that the woman next to him spoke but most of it was all a blur. He heard “In sickness and in health” and “until death do you part” but other than that he was just so entranced by Dan. 

Phil took a deep breath and his gaze didn’t move from Dan’s even as he says, “I do.” 

Dan smiles wider and squeezes Phil’s hands in his own, his voice wavered a bit when it was his turn to speak, just because he was so happy he could cry, “I do.” 

The woman could barely get out that they were now pronounced husbands and they could kiss before Dan was pulling Phil in towards him, he lets go of Phil’s hands and grips the front of his suit jacket. 

Phil rests his hands on Dan’s waist, unable to help it when he smiles into the kiss. Dan just pulls Phil impossibly closer so their bodies were together. 

They pull away breathless, hearing the cheers of the small crowd watching them.

Dan was surprised when he saw a tear fall from Phil’s eye, he reaches up and wipes it away, keeping his hands against Phil’s face. “I thought I’d be the crier.” Dan let’s out a soft laugh. 

“You are.” Phil laughs back just as breathy, watching a tear fall from Dan’s eye. 

“Aw, hell.” Dan laughs as he wipes it away with the sleeve of his suit jacket. 

Phil pulls Dan back in and presses a lingering peck to his lips, “We’re both saps, its fine.” 

Dan grips Phil’s hand in his, both of them making the move to tangle their fingers together. 

They walk back down the aisle hand-in-hand, they didn’t want anyone to throw anything at them so they let a few people blow bubbles, then Cristine surprised them at the end of the aisle by throwing a handful of glitter at them. 

They couldn’t even be mad, honestly they kind of loved it. 

An hour later they were still covered in glitter and they had both broke out in happy tears several times. 

Phil pulled Dan onto the dance floor and into his arms, “I took lessons for you.”

“Maybe you are a romantic.” Dan presses a giggly kiss to Phil’s lips. 

“You’ve corrupted me, I love being a sap.” Phil admits with a happy sigh of content. 

They sway together for god only knows how long as the small reception goes on around them. They didn’t have many people here, probably no more than thirty. 

Dan clings to Phil when Phil tries to dip him, almost dropping him to the floor. Dan just laughs and Phil shrugs, “I tried.” 

“I’m so happy.” Dan says as he returns his arms to their place, draped around Phil’s neck. 

“Me too.” Phil responds, pecking Dan on the lips. 

“I love you.” Dan says with a smile, dimples and all.

“I love you too.” Phil says before pulling Dan in for a longer kiss. 

Their 5 year plan was complete.


End file.
